Feelings, and Frights

I really cant get over how strongly maternal I feel now. I used to never be interested in kids. I was the one who, when colleagues brought their babies in to work for everyone to see, I would hide in my office and avoid them like the plague. If someone handed me a baby, it would start screaming. I never even noticed kids except when they were being annoying!

These days I notice babies everywhere. When I was pregnant, I was amazed at how many strangers would smile at me and ask about my pregnancy. Now I’m the one smiling at pregnant ladies at the shops, and talking to complete strangers about babies. I actually GAWK at newborn babies, with a sort-of wistful smile on my face, and tell whoever I’m with to look too… as in “LOOK at that baby!” (hubby finds it particularly strange I think, seeing as how all my adult life I swore I was never having kids)

Last week we had a bit of a fright. I’d put Skye down on the carpet in our walk in robe, and she was busy looking at her reflection in the mirror on the sliding door. I was sitting right beside her, but when I wasn't looking she must have picked something up off the carpet, because I could see her sort of chewing on something, but when I looked in her mouth I couldn’t see anything. If I had have seen it before it went in her gob, I would have assumed it was a blade of grass – wrong…

A minute later she started choking – I grabbed her and shoved my finger down her throat as quick as I could and felt around – felt something, first impression was “oh my god it’s a staple!”… but I grabbed it (pushing it against the side of her windpipe to get it out) and dragged it out with one finger. A small streak of blood came out too. It was some kind of metal shaving – THEN I freaked! Kept shoving my finger back down her throat to see if there was any more in there. She kept screaming – in fright I think. This shaving must have got walked in on one of our shoes, and buggered if I know where she found it, as the floor had been vacuumed the day before.

Afterwards I hugged her and hugged and didn’t let her go for ages. I think I was still shaking 2 hours later. She is just SO precious, and I'm so worried about something happening to her. I spoke to my mum about it, and she says that its just that natural maternal instinct to want to protect your child coming through.

I kept looking at this metal shaving, which really did look like a blade of black grass, except it was thin black metal. I kept thinking "What if" - what if some of it had broken off and gone down into her stomach. I had visions of it tearing right through her intestines, her waking up screaming with blood coming out the other end etc. I was SO upset and so worried… I didn't sleep properly for a few days from worrying about it - but she seems ok. She was fine within about 10 minutes. Hubby says I gotta stop thinking about what could have happened, and instead focus on the fact that I WAS there, and that she's fine.

Since then I see danger just about EVERYWHERE! But I'm really trying not to let fear take over. She has started crawling, and within a few days of crawling, she started pulling herself up on any available piece of furniture too - so now she's standing and cruising along while holding on to things. I cant let her out of my sight for a minute or else she's up to mischief and into everything!

I've never been an overly neat and tidy person, I'm not a clean-freak - but having a little one crawling around is really making me much tidier - vacuuming once a week doesn't cut it anymore!

Pets

On Friday it was Elke’s 7th birthday (our Border Collie cross Keeshond) – so I made sure I gave her lots of cuddles, and she had a great big bone for breakfast too :)

When Skye came along I was determined not to neglect our pets, since they really do mean the world to me.

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Sure, I certainly have a lot less time to devote to Elke and Connor the cat, but I still consider them to be my kids too – its just they are a little lower in the pecking order these days. My cat still sits on my lap at night after Skye has gone to bed, and Elke is probably getting more attention now than she ever did before, with walks, frisbee throwing, and the fact that she is indoors with me 24/7 these days.

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Elke is a little 'miffed' that there's another little princess in the house now, but she's pretty good with her. Mind you - I would NEVER leave them alone together. Elke is starting to wake up to the fact that a baby drops food everywhere, so she hangs around a bit more now and when Skye's moved away Elke swoops in and hoovers up the crumbs :) But when Skye decides she wants to give Elke a pat, Elke takes the bolt!

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Connor was totally aloof when Skye first arrived. He merely came up and gave her a sniff, and walked away and ignored her like a good Siamese cat should. However in the last couple of months he's started to get more interested in her, and even venturing in for a pat now and then. I'm trying to teach Skye the meaning of the word "GENTLE" when she pats him, but without luck so far! She grabs chunks of fur and gives it a good tug - and he happily lies there purring away!

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I think Connor is pretty safe with her though, he is 13 years old now, and his teeth are so blunt that he cant break the skin if he bites, and he has long since stopped sharpening his claws (I have to cut them for him, lazy bugger!)

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We had a bonfire night here on Saturday night, along with a BBQ and LOTS of marshmallows roasted on the fire - yum! I ate a fair few, far more than I should have - sugar overload! I didn't get to bed until after midnight, and that is a VERY late night for us! I had two glasses of bubbles over the entire night, but I just didn't really feel like drinking much. We are both starting to laugh at ourselves because we just dont really want to drink like we used to. One glass of wine is usually enough for me, any more than that and I feel so dehydrated the next day. Plus I'm still breastfeeding Skye, so its not like I can get rolling drunk anyway - even if I wanted to!


Felt a bit bloated yesterday after eating all that party food. Last week was ok training wise, got 3 weights in but not enough cardio. So today I went hard on the cross trainer, and then this afternoon I took Skye and Elke for a powerwalk. Busy week this week so I've got to stay focused!

Back in the swing...

One week down and I'm feeling SO much better about myself now that I'm back in the swing of things. Last week I completed 3 weights sessions and 4 cardios, and feeling good. Have seen a small drop in the scales so far, which I'm quite happy about.

I got hubby to take some "before" photos on the weekend - eeeek! Not real excited about those at the moment :) Have to say that it was a bit tough to squeeze myself into my bikini top - I've grown a bit in that department, and was very much spilling out of it, both front and sides! The joys of breastfeeding!


Sunday was back and triceps. I was a bit concerned at how I was going to target my lats seeing as how I dont have a lat pulldown at home. So I did bent over rows, DB pullovers and self-assisted wide grip chins... and the pullovers and self assisted chins have got my lats nice and sore. Hubby went rummaging through the shed and found his springs that he uses for lats... think handles, attached to springs, which you can hook onto something up high - like a beam. So I'll be giving these a go next time!

Today was leg day again, followed by a powerwalk with Skye in the Baby Bjorn and Elke dragging me along - so I'll be aching again tomorrow no doubt. I also had a visit to the chiro this moring - I'm needing my regular chiro adjustments more than ever lately, carrying around a baby on one hip all the time really seems to throw your back and hips out.

Yesterday I had the pleasure of catching up with Alicia and her beautiful little girl Ava. It was nice to get out and talk mum stuff, and get the girls to meet each other too :)

Anyway, nothing really exciting to post about today - can you believe that I started typing this post Monday morning, it has taken me 3 goes to finish it and its as boring as hell! Ha!