My little boy is a baby no longer. He runs now. He climbs. He communicates. His hair is growing longer, into soft baby curls at the back, and I find myself constantly running my fingers through that fine blonde hair… dreading the day that I will take him to have his first hair cut, when I might actually have to stop and acknowledge that he’s becoming a big boy.
It happens gradually. We celebrate each little milestone, each little achievement with glee and pride, cheers and celebrations: but there is an undercurrent of sadness always hanging around, like a grey mist that seeps in slowly, softly, often without realizing. “This wont last” it whispers, it taunts.
He’s not a baby anymore. And though I still like to think of him that way, I know that I have just a short amount of time before he’s running off with his friends, playing rough and tumble games that I wont be a part of, and pushing me away, needing me less and less.
So I snuggle with him as often as I can. I cradle him like a newborn. He loves to push his warm body against me and just lean into me. He has a rocking chair in his room and I rock him and sing to him, snuggled into the crook of my arm, as part of his pre-bed routine.
He still wants to be picked up, so I happily oblige, and he is still so dependant on me for almost everything. I am torn between wanting him to grow into an independent big kid, and wanting him to stay just like this… at this crossroads between baby and boy where we can enjoy the best of both worlds for just a fleeting moment in time…
I am so going to miss this stage.
Theres no other way to describe the last couple of weeks, other than to say that its been a blur.
Birthdays, a kids birthday party that turned into an adult stay-up-too-late-and-drink-too-much party, cakes, Christmas, presents, more alcohol consumed, excess food consumed...
And with all this stuff whizzing past, I kept thinking that the world just needs to slow down a little bit. I needed to stop and take a breather, to stop and just inhale all those sweet experiences just a little bit longer. I wanted to take a step back and take a mental home video of all those lovely moments in time, so that I could replay them in my head in the years to come, and enjoy them all over again when I actually had time to. Instead, I feel like I rushed around and missed most of it.
I took photos of course, but they only give you a tiny glimpse of what was happening at the time. And when you are taking photos of your kids opening their Christmas gifts, you also cant HELP them open their Christmas gifts. So I found myself putting the camera down in order to be more present, more in the moment with them - rather than standing back, being separated from it.
But also, when I think back over the last few weeks, I've caught myself thinking "I wish I'd taken a photo of this or that"... because you lose track of what everyone is doing sometimes. On Christmas day, I turned around and someone had dressed Skye in a princess dressup outfit... When did that happen? I completely missed that, busy doing something else.
You cant be everywhere at once, I know that.
Our last couple of weeks in photos:
Hubbys birthday on the 21st. Along with his standard order of Beef Wellington, he requested Snickers Cupcakes... oh...my...god...
And whats Christmas Eve without a few candles, and a little bit of Christmas light bokeh...
And more bokeh...
See? I've learned a new photography word, and I'm throwing it around like there's no tomorrow.
(Bokeh: In photography, bokeh is the blur, or the aesthetic quality of the blur, in out-of-focus areas of an image)
And then Christmas morning came. And in the excitement and the flurry of activity, I'd forgotten that I'd left my camera on manual focus from my bokeh photos the night before (see how I dropped it in again?) - and lo - all my "gift opening" photos are blurry - bugger!
But trust me, this scooter, this much longed for, often-asked-for, long-dreamed-about scooter, was a big hit. Santa, in his wisdom, decided that it didn't need to be assembled before the big day though, so daddy had to spend a large part of the morning putting toys together. Lucky he's handy like that.
Mum got to cuddle with my little Christmas elf.
My beautiful Christmas princess, with Dutchy the dog. Its like Dorothy and Toto.
And then Christmas was over, so we filled our days languishing at home. Playing outside, enjoying having daddy home, and sticking frangipani's behind our ears.
Then another birthday was upon us - Skye turned into a big 3 year old. Three. Three. I still cant get over it. How did that happen? And it was like, overnight, magically, she turned into this mature child who said "please" and "thank you", who played carefully, kept her clothes clean, and decided to share with her brother.
Ask her how old she is, and she proudly holds up 3 fingers.
Slow down, time, slow down.
Her first play-doh set. And a little handbag containing 3-year-old-treasure: hair clips, and 5 flavoured lip balms. She has inherited her mama's lip balm addiction, already.
Blowing out 3 candles!
And then it was the last day of the year... so we bundled our little loves in the car and headed to a nearby lake. Husband then decided we should do a complete lap of said lake - all 4km of it! Took us an hour, but it was nice to get outside, get some sun on a scorchingly hot day, and walk off some of the Christmas indulgences.
And the reward at the end was a nice big playground, complete with flying fox. My brave little 3 year old threw herself at it, and had a ball. We pretty much had to drag her off it by the end. Guess which new addition the cubby house will have at home this year?
So, happy new year all. Here's to making 2013 the best it can be. Here's to savouring more of those precious moments, for saying YES to the kids more often. Heres to less "cranky-mama", and more "happy-mama". Here's to stressing less, and loving more.
The new year is upon us, I dont know about you, but I'm planning on making each day count.
