I love

I love watching her eat popcorn.

Sometimes, while we wait for Koby to wake from his morning nap, we have popcorn. I like the home-made version with a microwave, brown paper lunch bag, a little oil and some sticky tape – add a sprinkle of herb salt and she’s good to go.

She’s a popcorn fiend… she devours it like theres no tomorrow – sucking down those salty, crackly little puffs of corn so hard that I swear that they barely touch the sides.

And the bonus is that it gives mummy a little time on the computer, or put a load of washing on. Combine a bowl of popcorn with Playschool on TV, well, mama gets half an hour to herself.

I love his expressions

Every morning when I go to his room and pick him up from his cot, his face lights up with joy. He’s all smiles and coos excitedly. He’s hungry and opens his mouth wide, searching for that satisfying flow of milk that he knows is coming, any… minute… now. Smacking his lips together in anticipation.

Can this boy eat? Hell yes he can eat. Now that he’s on solids properly, he’s making up for lost time. He never knocks anything back, and just when I think he cant possibly fit another thing in, I hand him a cracker or a toast finger, and he wallops that off as well.

His expressions as he grows and changes are just so beautiful. Its hard work trying to capture them all – you gotta be quick with the camera! Add some rosy-red cheeks due to teething, and he’s a heartbreaker for sure.

Here is his "Oh really?" expression:

I just cant stop kissing these smooshy little cheeks. This beautiful baby stage just doesn’t last long enough, so I’m making the most of this special time with him, right now.

  
I love summery dresses

I’m not usually a fan of skirts or dresses. Give me a pair of jeans or shorts any day. My reasoning has always been: if you wear a skirt, you have to sit like a lady. Yeah, I’m all class.

I only wear dresses to weddings.

But something has happened to me this winter. I’ve found myself scouring online stores, searing for summery dresses. And I’ve actually bought a few.

I have visions of myself wearing floaty, florally summer dresses, strolling along beaches with one kid on my hip and the other one running beside me – the wind whipping my hair around my face and a pair of cool sunglasses perched on my head. Maybe I throw in a twirl or two in these visions.

Yes there is something strange going on with me – I have never been a ‘girly’ girl, but here I am, suddenly wanting to be more ‘girly’. More and more I am trading my beloved black nail polish, for pinks and reds, and pastel colours.  More and more I'm swapping blue jeans for red ones.

Going to take these dresses and skirts to Fiji, and give them a trial run.
************

I'm also loving feeling my muscles again - its been a long time.  This afternoon I did a proper leg session, squats, lunges, deadlifts, pop-squats etc... on top of doing a treadmill walk/jog this morning... and oh my god are my legs telling me all about it now.  I suspect that I wont be walking too well tomorrow, but you gotta love that feeling!  7 weeks to go!

8 weeks

The thing about an upcoming holiday, is the flurry of activity that precedes it.

Fiji is less than 8 weeks away.

I lie awake at night sometimes, mentally coming up with about a zillion different things that I need to remember to do.

Find out about the power plugs… don’t forget to pack insect repellant… I wonder how much cash we’ll need… I hope the cat will be ok while we’re away… I wonder if I should take an umbrella…

 It falls to me to do all this… thinking… my husband just turns up. Seriously, he just packs his bag the day before, and leaves the rest to chance. Or, to be more precise, he leaves the rest to me. Why worry about all the nitty gritty when you’ve got a wife to do all the worrying for you?

So, I’m a list maker. Its just the way I am – and I feel a great deal better about things once I’ve started ticking things off the list. Chances are I’ll then add another 2 things to the list, but at least we’re getting somewhere.

But one big thing that we’ve both talked about, is the fact that we’re going to be on a beach holiday with friends. We don’t want to look horrible or pudgy in our swimsuits.

I’ve even bought a new bikini to wear (and may buy another one too before we leave) so I’m really needing to make a few changes here.

Now that Koby is sleeping through the night (touch wood!) and so am I, and I have been able to eat “normally” again, I need to get back into some regular exercise. I have seriously fallen off the wagon in this respect – I mean, I’m sorry, but when you’re utterly exhausted for months on end, well, I can tell you – I aint gonna train. Or eat well, for that matter.

But things are much better now, and I’ve been making some inroads to my fitness again. Largely thanks to gluten-free, I’ve lost all the “baby weight”, and in fact I did my skinfolds the other day and wasn’t too horrified with a 22% bodyfat reading. I reckon about 5kgs is about all I need to make me feel less “wobbly-mummy” and more “yummy mummy-ish”

Time to lift some heavy weights, throw some kettlebells around and get back on the treadmill again.  And make better food choices. 

So watch this space – bikini body here we come!!

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The cubby house

The cubby house has really taken shape over the last few weeks. New attractions have been added and built, daddy has slaved tirelessly to create this playground, this amazing space, for two very lucky kids.  As a final touch (for now), we have spray painted one side pink and one side blue - in time we will add a sign overhead, stating that this is "Skye and Koby's cubby".

Here's the entire structure:

I cannot wait to see them playing here with their little friends - I'm sure it will provide many years of laughter and enjoyment.    


My boots  

I love winter.  I love winter in Queensland especially.  It never really gets cold, some nights do get a bit cool-ish, but the days are still around 20 degrees C and gloriously sunny - nothing to complain about here.  Mind you, if it drops below 25 degrees I usually put a jumper on.   

What I also love about winter is jeans and boots.  I have these favourite boots that I got a few months ago, and I wear them just about every day.  I love them.  Is that a shallow thing to say?  That I love my boots?  

I'm actually going to be really sad when winter is over and it'll be too hot to wear them!  So soft and leathery, and comfy.  Boots that make you feel good, and are comfortable enough to wear all day long, are a beautiful thing.  So I'm gonna keep wearing them for as long as I can!  

Its the simple things that make me happy!

Happy Baby, Hell Yeah!

So, after 4 months of “unsettled baby” (as described on the referral to the paediatrician) we finally have a happy boy!

I don’t think I can describe the joy, the relief, the “oh my god I cant believe it” feelings that this brings. To have a little man who is finally comfortable, who is finally smiling again – all the time – well, its just so precious. I don’t think there is anything quite like having to watch your child in pain, miserable and in constant discomfort, and feel so powerless to fix it.

Being sleep deprived doesn’t help you cope, and I know I keep banging on about that. The pediatrician discussed with me the fact that a mother who is chronically sleep deprived is only separated by something like 2 points on the Edinburgh scale for postnatal depression. That’s when I started to cry… because I knew that I had to do something, to save myself. I had never felt so desperate, or alone in all my life.

Docs diagnosis: Colic – OR – an infant form of Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

I thought: “Colic - at 8 months –are you for real?”

He said “I’m one of those doctors who actually believes in Colic”…

He said: there is definitely something wrong, digestively. He also suggested that some of his problems stem from the fact that Koby has been unwell, in one form or another, for 4 months… part of his issues are the fact that he has come to depend on comfort from mama. He is waking, wanting me. This is a habit that needs to be broken.

And break it we did. Boy oh boy did we break him of this.

More on that in a sec…

Doc prescribed some medicine that needed to be made at a Compounding Chemist. Some drug that would help settle his digestive system.

I also casually mentioned to the doc that Koby is really “burpy”. Like, 3 hours after a feed, he’s still burping. He suggested we try peppermint water, to help bring the burps up. Now, I thought we’d tried everything with Koby, but I had NOT previously tried peppermint water.

Then I drove 30 minutes to drop off the prescription to the compounding chemist – was told it would be ready the following week.

So we went home, and got onto the peppermint water…

(Homemade – drop a peppermint mint or lolly into about 20mls of boiled water. Let dissolve and cool down. Administer with a dropper – about 2-5 mls before each feed - this lasts 24 hours for us, he's had it every day for the last week and a half)

That night was the worst night ever. I don’t think either me or hubby slept a wink. Koby screamed pretty much all night, he wanted comfort. When I tried to settle him, he just got more upset. So I just laid in bed and cried and cried, determined not to feed him to sleep, which is what he wanted. Hubby got angry, and then angrier with Koby. We stuck it out, awake all night, having deep and meaningful conversations at 4am… more tears, more frustration.

Next day, we moved him from the nursery (beside our bedroom) to his new bedroom, at the other end of the house. We knew he needed to cry and learn to self settle on his own (without us going in, as that just makes him angry) in a way that the rest of us were disrupted as little as possible -- so the move had to happen.

In the meantime, I continued to give him peppermint water.

And I put him to bed in his new room that next night, expecting the worst. And yes, he woke up 3 times, but he put himself back to sleep within 10 minutes each time.  Amazing what he can do when his tummy isn't bothering him.

Each night has improved out of sight, and within a week he started sleeping through the night, not waking at all… not feeding at night either…

And peppermint water? Wow. What a difference. I’ve since learned that peppermint is what they prescribe to patients with Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Peppermint has a soothing effect on the digestive system. And Koby has stopped clenching his tummy, stopped being a bag of wind, stopped bringing his knees up to his chest, stopped being miserable in the middle of the night.

He has now started eating 3 big meals of solids per day, and already starting to gain weight.

I have even started eating gluten and dairy again, and he’s still happy and settled (despite having a headcold, and cutting another tooth this week!)

I had to go pick up the order from the compounding chemist, but so far it sits in the fridge, untouched. I don’t plan to use it at all, unless we have a major backslide.

And I cant describe how amazing I feel. Friday night I actually slept for 7 hours straight. I cant even remember the last time that happened. Incredible. Even more so because I've been suffering really badly from insomnia lately too.  But now I feel like I can be a good mama again, give my undivided attention, have some energy for my children, instead of being the exhausted zombie that I have been for so long. More than anything, I feel HOPE.

And its long overdue… Can I get a “hell yeah”?!

Love it, or hate it?

I’m not sure if anyone else has noticed this, but once you've been dating someone for a while, and it gets serious, there are a series of questions that people feel they must ask you – in this order:

      “Are you going to get engaged?”

Then once you are engaged:

      “When are you getting married?”

Then once you are married:

      “When are you having a baby?”

Then once you have had a baby:

      “Are you going to have another baby?”

It seems to go on and on, with no end to the personal probing from family and friends. Of course I’m guilty of it myself, and the other week when I caught up with a friend who’d just had her second baby, I found myself asking the familiar: “Are you going to have any more kids?”

Whenever I am asked that question these days, I pretty much recoil – hold my hands out at arms length and say “NO!! No more babies, I’m done!” LOL!

Much as I absolutely ADORE my children, NO - I’m not having any more.

Seriously though, we always thought two was perfect. The fact that we have the pigeon pair makes the decision a lot easier. But somehow, I feel that even if we’d had another girl, we’d still be done. We confirmed it with each other over and over when I was pregnant with Koby, before we knew he was a boy.  We feel that our family is complete.

But when I asked my friend this question the other week, she hesitated. She said:

“I’m not sure. I always thought I’d have 3 kids, but to be honest, I don’t like what this pregnancy has done to my body… plus, well… I hate being pregnant”.

O_o

Wow – that thing that nobody ever says out loud - somebody actually said it. Someone, other than me, said they hated being pregnant… Did I actually hear that right? I actually rejoiced that she’d said it, and we had ourselves a good old whinge about how we both did not enjoy our pregnancy experiences and were so happy to have our bodies back to ourselves again once our beautiful babies were born.

There seems to be this unwritten law somewhere, that you never say that you don’t like being pregnant. Its an unspoken rule that you are meant to be radiant, blissfully happy and full of exquisite joy when you’re expecting. You are supposed to glow, feel amazing and full of wonder at every turn.

Random strangers smile at you at the shops, rub your tummy, reminisce with you about their own pregnancies… now and then someone will make a small complaint that their back aches, their hips constantly scream at them, or that they are so tired from getting up 5 times a night to pee – but it’s a given that even then, you’re supposed to be in raptures about being pregnant for the entire 9 months.

I enjoyed the first pregnancy more than the second, perhaps because I didn't have the added demands of a toddler to contend with. 

I did like some parts of being pregnant. Like knowing that I was creating life inside me. Like feeling baby move for the first few times (but I suppose I’m weird that I didn’t enjoy the constant movement, 24 hours a day). Playing “name that body part” towards the end…

Me at about 36 weeks pregnant with Koby... trying not to look as miserable & ehxhausted as I felt.

Once or twice, when I’ve actually voiced my opinion out loud, people always looked at me like I had two heads. I felt judged. It got to the point where I would just shut up and say nothing when other mums went in raptures about their pregnancy experiences, because otherwise I seemed to signal myself as an outcast, some kind of weirdo – perhaps not a good or deserving mother?

I’ve read many pregnancy and birth forums where once mums have given birth, they actually physically MISS being pregnant.

I’ve read many Facebook fan pages (for parenting magazines, Huggies etc) where they do pop quiz’s asking everyone about their pregnancy experience, what they loved etc. Not often does someone say they didn’t like it.

So is there something wrong with me and my friend? Does that make us bad people? Or are there plenty of others who feel like this, and just don’t say anything? Don’t get me wrong, I realise that I’ve been blessed beyond measure, twice now. And my kids are my world, I cant imagine my life without them now. But surely we aren’t the only ones who feel this way??

Leibster, take 2

A few weeks ago, Francesca tagged me for another round of Leibster awards, thanks Francesca!

This version of the Leibster award is different to last time:



The rules are:
1. Each person must post 11 facts about themselves.


2. Answer 11 questions the tagger has given you and give 11 questions for the person you tag.


3. Choose 11 people & link them to your post. (They must have 200 followers or less)


4. Tell them you have tagged them.


5. Remember, no tag backs.


Here goes!


11 facts about me:

1. I do my own acrylic nails and MUST have painted toenails at all times


2. I used to be a figure (ice) skater when I was a kid, won a state championship once, and got a second in the nationals in 1988


3. I am a shocking housekeeper, I just cant seem to get on top of the mess in my house. Add toys to the mix and its like a bombsite


4. I don’t really like seafood of any kind. And prawns? Ick. I will occasionally eat a piece of fish if its of the extremely bland variety.


5. I cry at the drop of a hat


6. I can be extremely indecisive at times.


7. I am obsessed about Ancient Rome. Still.


8. I freak out if I have to do something that is “against the rules”. Classic example - one time when I was a little kid, my dad accidentally drove down a street that said “No entry”. And I thought the cops were going to pop out of nowhere and arrest us. For reals.


9. I can come across as very cold and emotionless sometimes. Distant even. But its just that sometimes I have trouble articulating my feelings, and usually I try very hard not to show how I’m really feeling.


10. I’m really bad at maths. I cant even add up two numbers in my head, without a calculator. But English was always my best subject


11. I cant stand it if I don’t know what the time is, I never take my watch off (waterproof Polar) and have a clock in every single room of the house.



Francesca’s questions for me:


1. Does vegemite go in the fridge or the pantry?


In the fridge.  And by the way, Vegemite? Ick! I only buy it for the hubby! Does that make me “UnAustralian”??

2. Today, are you where you thought you'd be ten years ago?


Hmmm, in terms of our house and being on acreage, yes. But I never thought I’d be a stay at home mum of two kids, so no!


3. What is your favourite thing about blogging?


I love connecting with other bloggers and finding out that you are not the only one who feels a certain way.


4. Do you have any quotes you live by, or just favourite quotes?


”You can make excuses, or you can get results – you cant do both”


5. Do you know any foreign languages?


No. Wait – yes, I speak ‘toddler’. Well actually I don’t really speak it, but I can translate it for anyone who doesn’t understand.


6. What's your shoe size? (yes, I was looking at my feet when I thought up this question)


I’m a pretty standard 8.5.


7. Which do you prefer, winter or summer?


Winter by far. Because winter on the Gold Coast isn’t really like winter is it? I mean, today is COLD, and its still like 18 degrees outside. I hate summer, because of the humidity here. When you start sweating the instant you step out of the shower, it sucks.


8. What is your favourite colour?


Hmm, don’t really have one anymore. I like black clothes though!


9. Do you like your name?


Nope – always wanted to be called something else when I was a kid. I went around pretending my name was “Morgan” for a while. Having an unusual name is ok, but I think mine is a bit old fashioned.


10. Do you have any regrets, like, big ones?


Sometimes I think I do, but then I remember that I wouldn’t be the person that I am today without those experiences – and they do say that you learn from your mistakes!


11. Have you ever experienced déja vu?


ALL the time! Especially now that I’m so tired all the time – and apparently tiredness is a big cause of déjà vu, something in your brain not firing properly or something…




Questions for my tagees:


1. Do you love or hate watching the Olympics?


2. Whats your favourite meal?


3. How many countries have you visited?


4. What is your favourite movie?


5. Would you rather be rich, or healthy?


6. Can you play Chess?


7. What is the strangest talent that you have?


8. Can you successfully reverse parallel park? (for the record, I’m crap at it!)


9. Toilet paper – scrunch or fold?


10. When you get dressed, which shoe do you put on first?


11. Do you remember your dreams?






The next part, well its breaking the rules but I dont think I can come up with 11... here goes:

1.  Magda - Life as I see it
2.  Em - Fat girl skinny
3.  Pip - Pips Adventures part 2

Ok thats about all I can come up with, some of the blogs I read have gone private, are non-active at the moment, or are bigger than the 200 followers... sorry!

Whats been happening?

Hey... You know that feeling when you are so completely and utterly exhaustsed that you cant even think straight?  When you are so tired that you stumble out of bed and walk into the door frame instead of shooting through the door opening?  When as soon as the kids are asleep at night, you immediately collapse into your own bed in the vain hope of catching up on some much needed rest?

Yeah thats been me lately.  3 or 4 months of not sleeping are taking its toll.  Zombie - mama. So umm, blogging takes a backseat.

Trying to wean Koby from night feeds now... last night he woke at 11.15pm, I simply resettled him and walked out -- much to his disgust.  But anyway, after a bit of a scream he slept until 7.30 this morning... lets hope we're on a winner. 

I've also booked him in to see a pediatrician in a couple of weeks, to see if we can sort out his tummy/wind issues.

Anyway, what else has been happening?


Anticipating a holiday


Our last holiday was… umm… a couple of days away after our wedding, 3 years ago. Not that I’m complaining, we’ve had a LOT going on these last 3 years and no time for a holiday. Holidays and babies don’t really mix very well, do they?


Some friends of ours are getting married later this year, and have decided to do it in Fiji. Did we want to go help them celebrate? HELL YES!!

I’ve only been overseas once before, when we did our epic European holiday in 2007.

I've also had to jump through hoops to get my passport renewed.  Because I've changed my surname since my last one, so I had to go through the whole application process again.  Except I went and lost my birth certificiate, so I had to reapply for THAT too.  I'm good at complicating things for myself.

Anyway, I’m beyond excited to get away. My heart does little flip-flops every time I think about it. Recently we have decided on our accommodation and have made the booking – yes its really happening.

Without kids.

What? Yes, we’re leaving the kidlets at home with Grandma and Grandad.


Does that make me a bad mother? I’m still wrestling with this one. I alternate between feeling thrilled to have 5 nights of celebrating with friends, 5 mornings of sleeping in, 5 days of doing whatever we want, 5 days of relaxing and being selfish… but that is countered with fears that I'll probably spend 5 days of feeling guilty for leaving them.

I'm really hoping I dont spend 5 days worrying about them.  Oh and I'll worry about the dogs and cat too.  Note to self: stop worrying so much.


Skye will be fine, its Koby, with his sleeping and tummy issues that I’m concerned about. We have 3 months to get him sorted, nothing like a deadline!

Ahhh but what a beautiful reward... oh I can just picture myself relaxing here for a few days, cant you?

 Growing up

My little man is growing up way too fast. He’s sitting on his own, he’s now in a “big boys” forward facing car seat, and just this week he’s starting to be able to hold himself in that crawling position for a few seconds at a time. He wont be a baby for much longer.  I'm trying to savour this baby stage while I still can...

Spoiling the kids


Hubby has a tendency to get carried away with things… this week he’s been inspired to build the kids a mammoth cubby-house and playground area. He designed it on Monday, fine-tuned the design on Tuesday, ordered the timber on Wednesday, got the timber delivered on Friday and this weekend he’s getting stuck into building this massive structure in the backyard. The cubby on its own is 3.6 metres x 3.6 metres…

Once the cubby-house is built, we’ll be adding swings, slippery slide, climbing net, monkey bars, rock-climbing wall, tyre swing, firemans pole, flying fox… oh yes my hubby is just a little bit excited about this!

The cubby takes shape this weekend...

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The other week Francesca tagged me again for a Leibster post-- I haven't had much time to think about it but I will try to get onto that for next week's post.

Until then, enjoy your weekend!

There were 3 in the bed...

My friends and I have noticed a strange phenomenon, in that our first-borns have never really shared our beds with us, but our subsequent babies do it all the time.

Perhaps that is something that is unique to my own set of mama friends, or perhaps its something more common – I don’t know.

But I do know that my little Koby has slept in our bed more often in 7 months than Skye has done in her entire 2.5 years. In fact, I think I’ve only had Skye in our bed once or twice when she was a baby. More to the point, she never really wanted to, and always seemed happier on her own.


Maybe because Koby is the baby? Maybe because when it’s the middle of the night, and he’s crying and upset, I put him into our bed because a) its easier, and b) I don’t want him to wake his sister with his crying.


I was always so terrified to do this with Skye – always worried about SIDS, always worried that I’d roll on her, or that she’d suffocate with a blanket over her face. I still worry about it with Koby, actually I don’t really sleep much myself when he’s in the bed with us, but I still do it.


When Skye was first born, she slept in the basinnette beside the bed for about a week. By then I’d fully realised that I cannot sleep in the same room as a baby, with all their snuffling, wriggling and farting. So she moved straight into her bedroom beside ours.


When Koby was born he spent a grand total of 2 nights in the basinnette beside our bed, before he was moved into Skye’s old bedroom.


So they are both used to being on their own, and we all sleep better that way.


But on Friday night, something spooked my brave little girl and she didn’t want to sleep in her bed that night. When we went to bed I switched on the baby monitor for her room, and immediately heard her whimpering. Not quite crying, but just a very gentle, quiet moan every couple of minutes, a sniffle, a muttered word.


When I went in to check on her, she was sitting up in bed, and instantly its was “mama… can I sleep in your bed?”


And so in she came, along with her pillow, and Panda and Turtle – her beloved stuffed bedtime companions.


And there, nestled between the two of us, she proceeded to wriggle, squirm, sit up, lie down, kick her legs, sigh and fidget for the next hour. It took many repeated warnings and soothing words before she finally gave up and went to sleep… nuzzled into me.


And it was then that I realised that I wasn’t bound to get any sleep myself that night. Squeezed onto about a foot of mattress, I literally had my right shoulder blade, and my right butt cheek hanging off the side of the bed. Plus, its winter, so I’m dressed in my flannel PJ’s, under flannel sheets. With a hot little body curled up into mine. I was sweating and stinking hot!


Hubby later told me that he froze all night, because she hogged all the doona and blankets – and he didn’t want to take them off her in case he woke her.

The things you do.


And I have also now discovered that she flails her arms around in her sleep. I lost count of the number of times she whacked me in the face while she slept on.


I got up twice to Koby that night (in his own bed) and both times when I came back to my bed I discovered that a little toddlers body can take up a whole heap of space when sprawled out, spread-eagle style.


I can tell you, I’d go a long way to avoid having a repeat episode of THAT particular parenting experience!


Do you share your bed with your kids? How do you sleep?

Trying new things: Going low-gluten

In the last few months I’ve done everything I possibly can to try to help Koby with his tummy troubles. Wind drops, tummy massage, cycling his legs, gripe water, sugar water, regular chiropractic, homeopathic drops, Baby-Gaviscon, elevating the end of the bed, eliminating foods from my diet… you name it, we’ve tried it.


One thing that does seem to help, is for ME to stop eating wheat-based products. He seems to vomit a LOT less when I don’t have gluten/wheat.  I am not totally gluten-free though, I still have a few little things like gravy, or a little bit of lasagne if I feel like it, I'm just avoiding the obvious big things.

Anyway once I realised this, I bought a whole heap of store-bought gluten free foods, and wasn't particularly impressed with either the taste, or the price!  So I got stuck in to finding some gluten-free recipes so that I could actually eat something that didn’t taste like rubber (store bought gluten-free bread? Ick… no thanks)

The biggest bonus (apart from having a happier baby) is that I’ve lost the final couple of kgs, and am now back to my pre-pregnancy weight. Not being able to eat regular cakes, biscuits, breads and pasta means that I don’t eat a lot of rubbish.  I eat a lot more natural foods.  Plus, without gluten, I’m not bloated, and have no wind/gas at all – yay!


I’ll admit that its actually been quite challenging to find things that I CAN eat. Some days its been quite difficult, I mean, I love food – and being so restricted has been frustrating to say the least. Its so easy to have a toasted sandwich for lunch, and now I cant. Its so easy to have toast for breakfast, and unless I have the gluten-free stuff (as abovementioned – ick) then its not an option at the moment.   Some days its gets to lunch time and I scratch my head as to what to have...  At playgroup every week, I’ve had to pass on the morning tea cakes and cookies… yes annoying, but again, probably a good thing in the long run.

Here's a few things I've made recently:

Strawberry and Almond Friands.  I couldn't get any fresh strawberries at the time, so I used a dollop of strawberry jam on top instead of strawberry slices - still delicious!

I make these dense little  almond cakes regularly (although not normally gluten-free) but I use a muffin tin rather than a proper friand pan.

Recipe is from the Womans Weekly cookbook:

6 egg whites
185g melted butter
1 cup almond meal
1.5 cups sifted icing sugar
1/2 cup plain flour  (I used gluten free plain flour)
Strawberry jam (for dolloping) - the original recipe calls for 100g of sliced strawberries

Preheat oven to 200 deg C (or 180  fan forced). 
Whisk egg whites with a fork until just combined.  Add butter, almond meal, icing sugar and flour, mix with wooden spoon until just combined.
Divide mixture into muffin tins, top each with a dollop of jam (or strawberry slices).  Bake uncovered for approx 25mins.  Stand for 5 mins before turning onto a wire rack to cool.

Super easy gluten-free cookies, and one extremely hopeful puppy!

Recipe is:

180g of softened butter
1/3 cup of sugar
125mls of sweetened condensed milk (I used the lite version)
1.5 cups of gluten-free self raising flour
handful of raisins
handful of white choc bits

Preheat oven to 180 degrees C.  Cream the butter and sugar.  Stir in the condensed milk and flour.  Mix in the raisins and choc bits.

Place spoonfulls on baking trays and cook for 15 minutes.  So easy and yummy!

Toasted corn tortillas with scrambled egg and cheese.

I kinda just made this up on the spot - a nice change for breakfast.  Cook the scrambled eggs as normal, place the egg mixture onto a corn tortilla, sprinkle cheese on top, then fold and cook in the toatsed sandwich maker.  Next time I might add some chopped ham, tomato or avocado too.

Buckwheat pancakes, from a pre-mixed gluten-free packet!

I'm not sure how long I will continue eating a low gluten diet.  I'm hoping that it wont be long before Koby's digestive system starts to mature and he's able to handle me eating gluten again.  I'm really crossing my fingers and toes that he doesn't end up being gluten intolerant himself, but time will tell.  He has such a sensitive tummy that even plain old rice cereal and pears seem to upset him.  I am told that this is common too and that in time he should be ok.  Fingers crossed.

But I will persevere for a while longer, it seems to be doing both of us some good!

Celebrating new arrivals

My best friend and I have known each other since we were 18, where we both worked at her dads company. I sort of became like an adopted daughter to the boss, and D and I, although world apart in terms of temperament and personality, became firm friends.


She was a party girl, while I was more sedate. She has traveled the world a lot, while I’ve only been overseas once. She has had tumultuous, crazy relationships with guys, while I tended to settle down. She always appeared wealthy and wore expensive clothes, while I wore Target and Kmart, and drove an economical car.


We have been through so much together over the years… from the tragic death of her little brother, car accidents, relationship breakups, moving interstate or overseas, to her being by my side on my beautiful wedding day – we’ve been there for each other.


She is my most beloved, beautiful, amazing best friend. She is the only girlfriend who I actually say “I love you” to, on a regular basis.


Despite these differences, there was one thing we were both decided on, and certain of. We were both NEVER having kids.


We know how that all ended up with me… I laugh at myself sometimes when I remember how adamant I was that I was never going to go down that path. My favourite catch-cry was “I’m too selfish to have kids!” The thought of having kids made me shudder. The thought of going 9 months without alcohol was too much to contemplate too!


I have friends that have ALWAYS wanted to be mamas. They were born to do it, and it fits them as naturally as can be.


I was on a slow burn from about age 30. It took 2 years to go from “never having kids” to full-blown “I WANNA HAVE A BABY!! NOWWWWW”. And then it took from age 32 to 34 to actually have one, because of fertility issues.


But D, she never really faltered. Even when her friends all had bubs around her, she still didn’t really seem interested.


Then 2 years ago, she met a new man, and then it all changed. Suddenly she wanted to have a baby, and she wanted to cuddle and kiss my babies til their cheeks were red. It was like suddenly this maternal switch had been flicked, and she was already a mama, just one without a child yet.


Seeing her with her baby bump was so precious.


And I got to meet the new lil bubba last week. And I’m so happy she finally got to join this most beautiful and amazing “club” of motherhood. It’s a whole new world. You laugh, love and cry like never before.

For two "selfish" girls who were never having kids -- we're doing alright.

Struggling

We've been struggling, this last month.

Put it this way - the other night I had 2.5 straight hours sleep, and I actually thought to myself when I woke up "wow - I feel refreshed"

Ability to cope - all time low.

Silent reflux has invaded our house... again. It feels like groundhog day, because we went through these same dramas with Skye, at around this same age.  So we're ticking things off our TRY THIS list, and see how we go.

The sad thing is, amongst all the not sleeping, the baby in pain, the constant questioning what I'm doing (and the accompanying "what am I doing wrong?" question that goes with it), I'm painfullly aware that I'm neglecting my firstborn, I'm snapping at her simply because she's an exuberant toddler.  I'm getting frustrated and irritated simply because she wants my attention.  I know this reflux thing will get easier as time goes by, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm failing Skye on a very basic level.

Despite my resolution every day to be a better mama, exhaustion takes over and I'm frustrated and cranky all over again.


I’ve been saying “no” a lot these days…

“Mummy, can we go play outside?”
- “No bubba, mummys tired”

“Mummy, can we go play in the sandpit?”
- “not right now sweetheart, I'm busy”


 “Mummy, can we do some drawings?
- ”No Skye, mummy has to go get Koby”


Lately I’m finding it all too easy to let excuses get in the way. I’m. just. so. tired. I’m knackered actually. And I’m not in the mood, feeling a bit flat.

But you know what? She doesn’t understand that, and she deserves better.

I read a timely article the other day about not letting this precious toddler time escape us. About MAKING the time to play with our little ones, because its going to flash past us all too quick, and before you know it, you’ll have a school-kid on your hands. A kid who’s past that magical toddler stage, and on the way to becoming a big kid.  A big kid, who wants to do their own thing, and not necessarily play with YOU.



Right now, Skye thinks that daddy can do magic, and that’s pretty cool. She thinks that when mummy flips her hair over her face and makes growly noises, that’s hilarious. She thinks that mummy can fix everything, and I sure as hell dont want to throw that away.

So my goal in the coming weeks is to put some time aside for her every day.  I need to make a more conscious effort to get involved. To actually follow her lead and PLAY. To get down on the floor and be silly… pretending to be dinosaurs, crawling around like puppies, playing hide and seek, wearing silly hats and laughing together.


My house looks like a bomb went off, and the washing is piling up in every room – but you know what? Those things are no where near as important as having fun and bonding with my little girl.


No matter how sleep deprived and exhausted I feel, somebody always has a worse deal than we do.  So, Hil, time to suck it up and get on with it, and not waste the joy of her toddler years.

The return of sunny skies...

… metaphorically speaking


So I will be the first to admit that up until 3 weeks ago, I was remarkably blasé about kids getting sick. I mean – they all gotta get sick at some point right? Build up the immunity, grow nice and strong and all that.

Our brushes with coughs and colds up til then had been mild – a sniffly nose here and there, always gone in a day or two. I think after Skyes MMR vaccination she had a mild fever for a few days, but that was all.

So I was amazingly unprepared for when it all hit here.


Sick kids? Pffft… how hard could it be?

Now I know that lots of people have REAL problems out there, and I don’t want to get all “Woe is Me” here… but you know what?

WOE IS ME!

There are few miseries greater than a sick, miserable baby!


Koby’s illness quickly got worse, and another visit to the doctor confirmed Croup, along with an ear infection and a very red, inflamed (and probably sore) throat.


Armed with steroids, antibiotics and paracetamol, we settled in to wait it out. And wait, and wait.


And then either the antibiotics or the steroids game him a tummy ache… and it was hell on earth.


Seriously I felt like I was in a nightmare that would never end. Sleep deprivation on its own is torture, but sleep deprivation along with a baby who wakes every hour, wont feed, wont settle, grizzles non-stop and just wants to be constantly held, is well – umm, bloody hard work!


He was like that for nearly 2 weeks.  But on Saturday, the sun started to shine a little. Gradually the grizzling made way for smiles. The crying was replaced with giggling, and we rejoiced.By Sunday he was an absolute joy, and he gifted us with the most amazing smiles all day. I feel like he gave us a weeks worth of smiles in one day, it was just beautiful to see.

The sun is starting to shine again.

Sick...

So this week our household has been a hot mess of germs, fevers, ear infections, honking coughs and snot. Not to mention two very tired and cranky adults (and we’re also coughing up our lungs and feeling miserable too, but that’s irrelevant).

Amazingly I'm coping ok on just 2 hours sleep a night.

I shouldn’t complain I suppose, this is the first time that Skye (2.5) has ever been sick longer than a few days, and it’s the first time she’s actually felt quite ill. She didn’t get her first cold until she was well over the age of one.

Consequently, I’ve never had to contend with a sick little infant, never knew how exhausting and draining it was… until this week. Poor Koby started to cough like a barking seal on Monday, and as well as some low-grade fevers, also now has a horrible sounding rattle in his throat when he breathes. I took them both to the doc on Thursday – the verdict was that Koby has a general viral illness/cold and can only really give him paracetamol – great, we just have to wait it out. Poor Skye has a double whammy of not just the honking cough and runny nose, but also an ear infection in both ears to boot, and has to have her first ever dose of antibiotics.

Having two sick kids at once has made for a very trying week. My little Klingon baby has been stuck to me like chewing gum on the sole of your shoe – I have to be holding him, or in his direct field of vision, or there will be bloody hell to pay. And don’t even think about walking away from me mama!


 Despite all this, there have still been some good moments this week:


Big Adventures

Skye loves the Wiggles. She especially loves Jeff, and yelling out “Wake up Jeff!” whenever he falls asleep. So when we found out they were coming to town a few months ago, it was a no-brainer that we were going to go see them. A girlfriend organized the tickets so that we could all sit together (8 of us in total – 4 mums, 4 toddlers) and we even planned it that each of them would wear a wiggles “colour” so that we’d have the four mini-Wiggles. We also thought it would be heaps of fun to catch the train into the city, and make it an even bigger adventure for our little ones.


As the big day drew near, we started counting the sleeps. Unfortunately Skye was already sick by the time the big day rolled around - If it was anything BUT the Wiggles, we probably would have kept her home.

Typically on the day, everyone decided to sleep in, so it was a mad rush to get everyone bathed, dressed and out the door. Koby made our lives more complicated when he spewed in Skyes hair that morning (the perils of holding a baby whilst a toddler is sitting on your lap), so she had to have her hair washed and dried first. Because of all this, we missed the train that our friends were on! AARRGH! We caught the next one on our own and made it with heaps of time to spare.

The show was great! Skye sat with her mouth open, gaping in amazement for at least the first 5 minutes when the Wiggles came out in the Big Red Car. So cute. I was obsessed with taking photos of her reactions, hoping to capture some of her enthusiasm and wonder to show my husband when we got home. She really got into it for the first 45 mins, but then started to get a bit restless and played in the seats with her friends for the rest of the show. It’s a long time for a toddler to stay in the one spot.

After the show we got some lunch (although Skye wouldn’t eat much after chowing down on rice cakes all through the show) and then caught the train back home with our friends. The adventure wasn’t over though – a police incident at a station down the line meant that we had to get off a few stops later, board a bus, ride around on the bus to the next few train stations, and then get back on the train to get home.  All while trying to keep our over-tired and hyperactive toddlers under control - you should have seen the dirty looks we got from a couple of other frustrated commuters... I'm guessing that along with a delayed journey, they didn't appreciate having to listen to rowdy toddlers who were in desperate need of a nap!

And finally, one station before we were due to get off, Skye had a massive coughing fit, and puked up all the rice cakes she’d eaten during the show. Luckily mummy has quick reflexes and “caught” it all in my hands, while my friends scrambled for a nappy bag to dump it in, and hand me baby wipes to clean it all up… all while poor Skye was still gagging from coughing so much.



Ahh the joys – but my girl had a fantastic day, despite the yukky ending.




Instagram

Oh… my… I am so addicted to Instagram. I love connecting with my friends, and getting glimpses into the lives of other people, famous or not. I love the food photos, the kids, the pets, the sunsets, the rainbows, the self portraits…


In between dealing with feverish little bodies this week, I collapse on the couch and get my Instagram fix. I think it even might be taking over my Facebook addiction.

My user name is @hilh if you want to follow my feed



A new car


We upgrade our cars pretty regularly around here. My hubby has a slight… um… addiction when it comes to cars. We think he’s got to have had close to 30 cars in his driving life. I wish I was kidding. And he’s only 36 years old.

I haven’t kept a car longer than 18 months, in the whole 13 years we’ve been together. Not by my choice either.

Anyhoo – a few weeks ago we got another car – a 4WD, and its for me. And every time I get ready to go out somewhere, I stop and think “Oh yeah, I get to drive the new car!” Nice.


And no - its not a Big Red Car, I'll leave that to the multi-coloured, skivvy-clad men below:
 

Wishing all the mamas out there a BIG happy Mothers Day for tomorrow - you all do a great job, and deserve a day off! 

Or at least put your feet up and relax for a bit  :D