Studio photos...

Time is just flying isnt it? I cant believe that its February, and that little miss Skye is almost 5 weeks old already!

Well we've had a fun couple of weeks getting into the swing of being parents, and all the challenges that brings. Some days are great, and other days not so great, but thats all part of the experience I guess!

Our major issue has been getting her to sleep during the day - it seemed that no matter what I tried, or how many different settling techniques I used, the little bugger just REFUSED to go down. Last week it wasn't uncommon for her to be awake for 8 hours straight, and cranky as hell, not surprisingly. She would sleep on my lap, but then as soon as she went into that bassinette she was wide awake and screaming - ahhh the joys!

But the good thing is that she seems to be a good sleeper at night, often going 4 or 5 hours at a stretch, so I cant really complain. Yesterday and today I've been successful to get her to sleep during the day, so fingers crossed we're onto something!

It was my birthday last Thursday and I was invited out to lunch, and took Skye. I was pretty nervous to take her out to a cafe, I had visions of her screaming the entire time. But she was a perfect angel and slept the whole time, so I worried for nothing! It was our first BIG outing together, and it was great because it gave me a lot more confidence that I can manage.

I'm starting to think about getting back into some kind of fitness routine, but nothing intense just yet. The other day I ran to answer the phone and I could feel that there is still some tenderness in my tummy/pelvic area. I've been doing a bit of walking, but nothing of much consequence. I havent really done any weight training since about October (unless you count lifting a 4kg baby around all day!), so that will be something that I'll need to ease back into!

Anyway, on Saturday we went and had some studio photos done by Rezolution Photography - who also did our fantastic wedding photos... I went and picked up the CD today (how's that for super fast service?!!) and I am SO impressed with them, they are exactly what I hoped for. Here's a small selection of them:

We learn as we go...

Random observations from the first 3 weeks of motherhood…

• Nitrous Oxide gas during labour – gives you a really swollen and sore soft palate and throat for days afterwards. Swallowing really hurts!
  
• It’s a cruel joke of mother nature that your baby “wakes up” and becomes hungry and alert about 2 days after the birth, and my milk didn’t come in until about day 4.
  
• Public Hospital food was surprisingly good! Porridge for breakfast was awesome!
  
• Breastfeeding really HURTS for about 2 weeks after the birth. It felt like razor blades being sucked through my nipples for the first 20 seconds every time, even when she was supposedly attached properly. Using the breast pump hurts the same. Its only been in the last week that its stopped being painful, and its such a relief!


• The middle of the night, sitting alone in the quiet, dark house - feeding, burping, changing and settling a windy/colicky/grizzly baby is one of the loneliest feelings ever .
  
• Every single midwife in hospital has a completely different opinion on how you should do things. They often contradict each other. Eg – one midwife talked to us about Skye’s long fingernails and told us we could nibble the ends off with our teeth. An hour later, the next midwife told us that on NO ACCOUNT should we use our teeth!
  
• Baby swings are awesome, at least I can put Skye down and get a few things done, she loves to look around.
  
• Some days feel absolutely overwhelming and frustrating. I think Skye has reached her 3 week growth spurt yesterday – she fed almost every hour, with very little sleep in between and lots of wind in between too. It made for a very grizzly baby and an emotional wreck of a mummy. Today though has been great!
  
• Having not had any nappy/baby experience before, I cant believe how often babies poo! Skye must think we have shares in Huggies Nappies I think, with the rate that we are going through them. The other day we changed it 3 times in half an hour – the first was wet, so we changed it, then 5 minutes later she’d done a big poo – changed it again and 10 minutes later she finished the poo!
  
• Some poos (think American Mustard!) cannot be contained by a mere nappy and I’ve been hammered twice already, once from side seepage from sheer quantity! Oh and I’ve discovered that its crucial to wait until she’s finished… initially I would jump up and change her straight away after hearing the telltale fart of her pushing one out… well I quickly learned to beware of this, as she often isn’t finished and will squirt more out onto you when she’s on the change table! It pays to wait a good 5 -10 minutes!


• All the days start to merge into one another, and I no longer know what day of the week it is.
  
• Press studs on baby clothes. Clearly they have been put there for the benefit of sleep deprived parents because nothing could be easier to fasten, right? However I’m constantly surprised by just how difficult and complicated it is to line up 3 little press studs and get them closed when you have a wriggling, squirming little bub on the table, and you are half dead with tiredness!

All the gory details

Well I finally have a moment to myself, so I thought I'd share the story of how Skye Lily came into the world.

Hubby has pulled an all-nighter so I could get some sleep, and now its 6am, he’s gone to bed and I’ve just fed and (hopefully) settled miss Skye, so I might get to finish this. She’s a tough one to settle, she just fights sleep like you wouldn’t believe, and is SO alert! I read that newborns don’t stay awake for more than an hour or two at a time – try telling that to my child please!! She can be awake for 5 or 6 hours at a time, so tired but just too interested in everything to sleep. Once she's asleep though she can go for 4 hours or so before waking up, so I shouldn't complain too much. The lack of sleep is really debilitating though, I feel like I'm constantly in a daze.

Anyway… here's the gory details. Warning - its long-winded and probably way too much information!

On Tuesday 29th of December 2009, we had our 41 week hospital appointment. The doc checks me over and everything is normal. Does the internal exam and finds that I am 2cms dilated, so he does a stretch and sweep to try to get things moving. We are also booked in for an induction on 1st January at 4pm, if nothing happens sooner – although he tells hubby that he feels that it will happen before then. We left hospital feeling excited that things might be happening, and then go walk around the shopping centre for a while – I actually bought the first Twilight book “to read between contractions” – humourous now when I think of it, and yes I can see those that are already mothers rolling their eyes at me – I still have not had a chance to open that book!

8pm that night, the period-pain like cramps that I’d been having on and off for weeks start to turn worse – some actually start to take my breath away. I stay calm, assume its more Braxton Hicks, and continue eating dinner and start watching the DVD that we’d hired (Wolverine!). But they start getting stronger, and come with regularity. I start keeping a log of the time, and how long each one lasts. I also give them a “pain rating” out of 10. I tried to be conservative with my ratings, because to my thinking, a rating of 10 was full-on screaming labour pain. I laugh now when I look at how I’d scored some of those early contractions, as a 5 or a 6 out of 10 – HA! Little did I know what real pain was at that stage!!

About 9.30pm I sat forward on the lounge and felt something leaking down below. I assume it might be my “show” (mucous plug which you can lose when the cervix starts to dilate). I sit back, not concerned yet, since a friend of mine had her “show” about 2 days before going into labour, so I’m still not convinced that I’m in labour, and I had a maternity pad on just in case anyway.

Hubby starts getting a bit excited at this stage, but we’re still watching the DVD so he stays pretty calm too – only asking me every 5 minutes if I’m ok.

10pm – I sit forward again, and get another gush. This time I get up and go check. Hmmmm…. I think my waters have broken!!

We ring the hospital – they tell me to come in. I then realize that there are still a bunch of last minute items still not in my hospital bag (make up, mobile phone charger, camera – other daily use stuff) so I madly try to gather everything together between contractions, which are getting more painful.

11.30pm – Arrive at hospital. It is pouring with rain! I get taken into a room and strapped into a machine to monitor bubs heart rate, and my contractions. But the position of the belt isn’t right and it keeps losing the fetal heart rate, and my contractions are barely showing (but boy could I feel them!). I become convinced that they’re going to send me home because I’m not ready yet!

The midwives are reluctant to do an internal because we think my waters have broken (risk of infection if they do it too often) so they use a speculum (the thing they use when you have a pap smear) to have a peek. Its confirmed that my waters have broken, but they cant tell how dilated I am because there is too much fluid in the way.

1am – get wheeled into a birthing suite. I’m starting to really gasp with pain at each contraction, and am cursing the fact that I’d perservered with eating dinner, felt like it was going to come back up for sure.

From this point on, things get a little sketchy as far as time/sequence of events go!

Around 1.30am – in the birthing suite, I hop into the shower because a few friends have told me how heavenly it was to have hot water on your back… it didn’t really do much for me though! The midwife insisted that I should lean on the fitball in the shower, when I much preferred to rest my head on the hard plastic shower seat (so I could grasp the chair legs!). I tried it for a while in the shower, but felt I’d be better off lying on my side on the bed. The contractions were getting stronger, so I asked for some gas. Tried it, felt it did nothing. I found it to be more annoying and frustrating than anything!

The midwife told me to empty my bladder. And the strange thing was, I couldn’t go! I sat on the toilet for a while, nothing… she suggested I hop back in the shower and try… nothing! Yes its hard to pee when you have an audience (hi hubby!!) and harder again in labour – but I just couldn’t go. Midwife said I actually had TWO bumps at that stage, one baby bump, and another BLADDER bump! To my absolute horror, they had to put a catheter in – and I think I was more scared about that than the impending birth!

2.30am-ish – I ask for more drugs. The contractions were feeling unbearable, and the gas was doing jack-shit. I got a pethidene shot in the leg. It took a few minutes to work, and the major relief I found was that I was dozing/drifting off between contractions. It also made me lose sense of time to some degree.

But it could only do so much, and I’d had just about enough, even at this early stage! The gas was useless, I kept telling them so, but every time another wave of contractions started, I kept getting told “Use the gas!! Use the gas!!” and had it thrust into my hand to use. So I would huff and puff into this “useless” thing – just about screaming in agony, and ANGRY that they didn’t seem to be listening – it didn’t work!

At some point I had another internal exam, and I was told that I was 3cms dilated!! AARRGGGHHH!!!! I was horrified, it was so distressing to hear. All that pain for a measly ONE extra centimetre!!

By then I was exhausted. One thing I remember was that between contractions I kept being told to lift my butt off the bed so they could change the padding under me – easier said than done!

At this stage the only words I could utter was “I CANT DO THIS!” – to which my hubby always replied “YES YOU CAN – you are amazing!”.

Eventually I asked for something, ANYTHING to take away the excruciating, relentless pain. Epidural? –yes!! Gimme it!! Make it stop!!

I don’t wanna do this anymore!!!

So they rang to book me in for an epidural – but since it was 6am, I had to wait for an anesthetist, I was told it was an hour away. I remember panicking, thinking how can I endure another hour of this?

But then they did another internal, and I was suddenly 8cms – I’d dilated about 5cms in an hour or so! I got talked into canceling the epidural (since it would probably slow the labour down) and seeing how we went – they told me I was almost there!! But sadly, we weren’t.

By now I had 2 female doctors in the room as well as the midwife and hubby. It was discovered that bub had turned posterior again, which was going to make the next bit more complicated…

I begged for, and got, another pethidene shot…

More of the same, contractions, pain, useless gas – I was panicking, hyperventilating, screaming that I cant do this, and just OVER it! Get this frickin thing out of me!!!

And then suddenly, during these intense contractions, my body did the weirdest thing ever – it started pushing all on its own. I hadn’t been told to push, I didn’t WANT to push, but my body just did it and I found it VERY hard to control. They kept saying “stop pushing!” and I kept saying “I’m NOT!” They told me to breathe through it… and it took all my strength and effort to stop my whole abdominal and pelvic area from bearing down.

These involuntary pushes were the weirdest thing ever, and completely unexpected – I’d never heard of them before.

So, by about 8am we got to 10cms dilated, and I was finally given the ok to start pushing with the contractions. We tried all different positions (easier said than done) but I preferred lying on my side. Hubby had to get one leg in an arm lock so I could bear down against it. I ended up on my back though, this was the easiest to push against.

All during pregnancy I was so worried about everyone looking at my “girly bits” during birth. I was worried about being naked in front of strangers, and I was worried about pooing when I was pushing. I’m a bit shy, so it was a concern…

And just like everyone tells you, when the time came, I didn’t give a shit. All I cared about was getting this thing out of me. And make the pain stop!

Anyway, 2 hours of pushing… bub still posterior and not turning. They can almost see the head. But its just not happening, and to make it worse, the head is also on a crooked angle. They start talking as if I’m not there, might have to do a Caesar? She’s too exhausted to keep pushing like this, the heads not turning…

I’m hyperventilating, freaking out. Doc says I’m pushing so well – not many people can push this hard, for this long – she knows I can do it… if I want, we can do an episiotomy (cutting the perineum) which should see this baby out within the next few contractions (yeah right!)

So I get the snip. I didn’t feel it (it was done in the middle of a contraction) – but I HEARD it. It sounded like someone cutting gristle with kitchen scissors… ugh! There are some things you cant unhear!

It took another 2 or 3 contractions (each contraction having 3-4 pushes) to get the babys head out. The biggest push of my life!

Baby was face up, and at an odd angle. Someone says “heads out!” – everyone looks, except me of course!

She opens her eyes… suddenly nobody cared about the woman on the bed, everyone was oohing and ahhing at the baby looking up at them, whilst still half inside me!! I felt like screaming “HELLO!!? Remember me??” LOL!

Had to wait for the next one or two contractions, and at another big push this hot, purple, slippery little being landed on my chest and was being quickly toweled dry… I was in awe… our baby!

I was dazed and relieved that the worst of the pain was over – time was called – 10.17am. I kept touching the little body on my chest, not quite believing that this was once our “tic tac”!

Hubby came around the other side of the bed and said “it’s a girl, we’ve got a baby girl!!” and I went “Oh yeah, that’s right – we didn’t know!!” I wonder how long it would have taken me to ask!

Funnily enough, when theydid my stitches, the doc said to breathe in the gas while she gave me a local anaesthetic. I thought “whats the point?” but sucked on the gas anyway… and woah! - instant light head, I guess it did work after all!

Its an amazingly empowering feeling... you feel like you can do anything! I cant believe that I managed to push my little girl out, I look at her now and wonder how on earth she managed to fit inside me! You feel proud of yourself too - especially when the doctors said that in 90% of cases, when the baby presents that way, they have to do a caesar. Man am I glad that we avoided that!

So that’s the gory details!

We are slowly adjusting to life with a baby. You dont realise how much it consumes your life. I cant just go to bed anymore when I'm tired. If hubby stays up with her I have to make sure I've expressed enough milk for them. I do a load of washing and it might be 4 or 5 hours before I get to hang it out! We havent eaten dinner together since the night of the labour, one or the other will usually be trying to settle Skye.

Recovery wise, I'm great. The stitches feel like they've healed well. Going to the loo has been a challenge, its scary when you have stitches and you're worried about tearing them down there. Consequently you "put it off" which just makes it harder when you DO go! My stomach has shrunk pretty well too, and amazingly I'm back to within 4kgs of my pre-pregnancy weight! I'm loving being able to sleep on my back again too. Breastfeeding is a whole new challenge, but we're getting there. I think Skye is going to be hyperactive, like her daddy!

Anyway, I'll stop boring you now with all this! Thank you all for your beautiful comments, texts, emails and gifts! This parenting thing is going to be a challenge, but I'm up for it! (just need a little more sleep!)

Its a girl!

Our beautiful little tic tac has finally arrived, and its a girl!!

Skye Lily was born on Wednesday 30th December 2009, at 10.17am. She weighed 8lbs 2oz, 51cms long and had a head circumference of 34cms.

Thanks to everyone for so many beautiful facebook comments, texts and emails - its been overwhelming and quite an emotional ride!

We had a natural delivery (unfortunately with an episiotomy) and managed to avoid the epidural, had gas (didn't help) and pethidene. She was born posterior (came out face up!) and head at an odd angle - they were starting to think we'd have to have a caesar to get her out, but after 2 hours of pushing we got there in the end.

I will be blogging about the birth in detail, but not just yet as I'm still struggling to string sentences together properly! We are just over the moon and so excited to have our little girl, she is so precious to us and I just love her to pieces! (and here I was, worried I wouldn't feel maternal!) Hubby is the proudest dad you could imagine, you cannot wipe the smile off his face :-)

Here's a few photos of our little one...

In the birthing suite, getting measured (and not happy about it!)

First bath in hospital

Awww... sleeping

At home testing out the new bassinet

Will be back sometime soon with lots of gory birth details!

PS - belated Happy New Year to everyone too, we kinda missed it this year :-)

The waiting game

Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!!

Ours was VERY quiet. Since we didn't know where we'd be on Christmas Day, we decided to cancel Christmas this year, well - the gift-giving bit anyway, but we still got together with family and shared the day and a lovely meal.

But, we're still waiting for our best present ever!!

Tic tac was officially due on the 22nd, although technically they say that 75% of babies are born AFTER their due date. We're now 4 days "overdue" and I dont think there are any signs that we're close. At my 40 week hospital checkup on Tuesday, the midwife said that the head hadn't fully engaged yet, and although softened, I hadn't started to dilate yet. Disappointed! We just want to meet the little bugger, although I guess if its not ready, its not ready!

Its hard not to be frustrated. Even though bub will come when its ready (or when the hospital decide), I feel like all the pressure is on me to "perform" - everyone is so impatient to meet tic tac, and I reckon at this time of year its so much worse, because of all the other special/important dates around this time. At least the weather has cooled down a bit and its not so humid. Trying to enjoy my last few days of "freedom" anyway!

Next hospital appointment is on Tuesday, and if still nothing has happened then we'll be booked in to be induced - something I'd really like to avoid if possible. So we're trying every trick in the book to get things rolling, if you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them!

Here's a couple of pics we took on Xmas Eve - we were sick of sitting around the house waiting so we went for a drive to Manly harbour and had a wander around... took our fur baby Elke for a walk along the water - here she is with me and the bump!

And afterwards in the car - shattered!

Enjoy your boxing day everyone, and keep fingers crossed for us!

Dreaming of Screaming...

With thanks to System of a Down for the title...

Both of us had dreams of birth last night. I woke up to tell hubby that I'd just dreamt of having the baby. In the dream, I arrived at hospital on my own, because hubby was running late. There was a male midwife, who saw me to a room - where I had just hopped on the bed, and 5 seconds later gave one LITTLE push (hardly any effort really) - and suddenly the baby was born and taken away from me! I was told its a girl, and then the midwife told me I had two options, I could either stay there, or check into a hotel!! LOL!

Hubby dreamt that I was having contractions, while we were sitting in the carpark of a landscape nursery... I dont know what we were doing there!

Hmmm, well I'm still here anyway, and so is the bump.

For the last week I've been getting period-pain type cramps that come and go - perhaps these are Braxton Hicks? (I have no idea). And today I cant walk too well because I seem to have pinched a nerve in my groin area. Took Elke for a longer walk today, and was absolutely shattered when I got home. Lots of little stabbing niggles down below. I keep waiting for something to go "KABOOM" - this is it!! But nothing yet. Every little twinge I'm like "Is this IT?" I'm running out of patience!

Anyhoo... this is the new "Hil-mobile" - forgot to post pics when we got it a few weeks ago! Naturally, its a Ford!

And this was me on Saturday night (thought I should post one with my head still attached, just once!) - at the end of our housewarming party, feeling hot and bothered and about ready to collapse!

Ok, I'm ready for it to be over now

Yep, I'm ready for this baby to be out now!

This is just a horrible, horrible time of year to be heavily pregnant (and not in air conditioning). Its been so hot and humid, and I'm just so uncomfortable now...

The swollen feet are a given (I waddle like a slow-moving duck these days), but in the last week my hands and fingers have decided to join the "fluid retention party" - and now I cant get my wedding/engagement rings off. This is upsetting me more than anything else, its just SO frustrating and annoying, and really starts to freak me out if I think about it too much.

Yesterday I had my regular appointment with my chiropractor, and was telling him I couldn't get the rings off. Well, I had his entire office staff, other chiros, and my chiro's wife all trying different things to get my bloody rings off! Ice, elevation, lubrication - nothing worked! Felt quite funny to have so many different people standing around discussing different techniques that might work LOL! Their final suggestion was to have them cut off - something I'm reluctant to do to my beautiful rings.

So I'm just trying to ignore it for now, its not like I have purple fingers or anything, its just frustrating and annoying more than anything. I feel so stupid cos I SHOULD have taken them off weeks ago, but in my stupidity I thought "Naaahhh, my hands wont get swollen!!" - famous last words!

Week 38 hospital visit was on Wednesday and some good news - at my last visit at 36 weeks, Tic Tac was lying posterior (its back was against my back) - so after much effort this last fortnight (getting down on hands and knees, leaning forward when sitting down, not putting my feet up, lots of walking etc) we've managed to get bub to turn - yay! They are not concerned with the swelling, chiefly because my blood pressure is still on the low side of normal.

So its in position and ready to go - now just have to wait I guess! Officially we have 11 days to go, but of course its all up to bub and whenever he/she decides it wants to join us. Technically if they allow me to go 10 days overdue, then we might not be having a baby until 1st or 2nd of January... ugh!

We are having a housewarming party here on Saturday night (yeah great timing huh?) so it will be a busy weekend. I've told hubby that I'm not planning on jumping up and down serving people all night, so its a sausage sizzle and he's doing most of it (I'll make a salad and then put my feet up) - lets hope it goes to plan!

Have an awesome weekend!

Where's the cat?

The other morning I couldn't find the cat in any of his normal sleeping haunts... where is he?

Mmmm, there's a strange lump in Elke's dog bed...

Is that a little paw poking out?

Found ya!

Lemme alone mum, I like it under here!

Elke: Ok, but where am I going to sleep?

We are lucky enough to have a fully screened in patio area at our new house, which is where Elke sleeps at night. She spends most of her daytime indoors now, and Connor spends most of his daytime out in the enclosed patio area, sunning himself. Elke would rather come in and drink water from the cats small water bowl, and Connor would rather drink from Elke's huge bucket of water which is on the patio! Its like having kids! (except they dont talk back LOL)

Cravings

Photo at 36 weeks pregnant.

No car news yet, we hopefully pick it up tomorrow (Tuesday)

Anyway, cravings. I haven't really experienced many. I've had the odd occasion where I felt like having something in particular, but it wasn't a desperate urge or anything.

To date, they have been:

1. In the first trimester - fruit. I'm not a big fruit lover at the best of times, but I wanted and ate a fair bit of fruit in the first 12 weeks. I'm over it now though!

2. In the 2nd trimester, on one occasion I suddenly thought I could "smell" pickles. You know, like the ones on a Cheeseburger. Then I thought about pickles all day. Told hubby about it, and he went and got me McDonalds that night, LOL!

3. Last week, I really felt like one of those icy poles that comes in plastic tubes. Like the ones you give to kids, from the supermarket. So I bought a packet, and have been having one now and then - hits the spot right now because its so hot and humid lately! I guess its like wanting to eat ice...

4. Today - All I could think about was having a HUGE cold salad for lunch. No protein, just lots of crisp iceberg lettuce, onion, cherry tomatoes, asparagus, capsicum, cucumber and avocado. So I've just finished it - yum! I dont really understand this one, because I have salad probably 4 nights a week with dinner (the other nights are steamed veg), so its nothing special, but for some reason I REALLY wanted salad for lunch!

Now that I've got some time up my sleeve, I've been experimenting with some baking. Last week I made bread rolls for the first time, and yesterday I made some Almond and Strawberry Friands (ooooh yum!). I only ate a couple, and the rest go to hubby for his lunches (he's lovin it!). Think I might also try making some Calzones, or Foccacia bread, for his lunches. I'm not a natural "baker" (I'm hopeless with measuring and weighing ingredients) and I cant seem to stick to a recipe (I've got a bad habit of throwing extra stuff in for some reason, for experimentation - which is great when cooking, but not so good when baking). But for some reason, I feel like baking. Maybe its the nesting instinct??

3 weeks to go (unless tictac is late of course)!

Maternity Leave

Ok, so here I am, maternity leave. I finished work last Friday (big sigh of relief) and am now patiently waiting… waiting… for a baby to arrive.

4 weeks to go (am now 36 weeks along), and next week bub will technically be considered “full term”. Makes me laugh when people say to me “wow that’s gone quick!”… man, I feel like I’ve been pregnant FOREVER! I would just like tic tac to be out now, seriously, its been lovely to have another little being growing and kicking inside me, but I’d really like my body back now!!

Work gave me a baby gift card, so I happily went and spent that on Monday. Just a few small items to get now, and I’ll feel ready! I still haven’t packed any bags, so I must get to that this week – just in case. I’ve got lists galore, and have got so much stuff to get done in the next couple of weeks (get tax done, hospital appointments, massage appointment, get a few more baby/hospital supplies, pack hospital/baby bags, get baby capsule installed, organize bubs room, dentist check up etc) so I’m not exactly putting my feet up just yet (and with my feet swollen to resemble elephant-man, I really should be!)

One thing that is still up in the air is a car. Can you believe that we STILL don’t have a car for me yet? Because hubby is such a car (Ford) enthusiast, well, he’s been researching a car for me for the last 6 months. Its got to be a performance car (for him, when he’s on his own), and a safe & reliable car for me and bub. Hard to find something that ticks all the boxes. To me, a car is a car, but its so important to him! My company car stayed at work on Friday when I finished, so currently I’m driving around his hotted up XR8 ute (his pride and joy). It’s a manual though, and an absolute BITCH to get into reverse. I do enjoy driving it though, I feel a bit tough! Here's a pic - wouldn’t you feel like a hoon if you drove this?:
Anyway, we sorted something out yesterday, fingers crossed we’ll have a new car by the weekend (and bye-bye XR8!)

Today I'm going for a pregnancy massage, and I cant wait. I've certainly relaxed and loosened up a bit since I finished work on Friday, but my shoulders are still pretty tight. A bit of pampering will be nice though.

So nothing too thrilling to report here - catcha next time...

Fat feet

Hubby has always loved my feet - he has often said to me that one of the first things he notices in a woman (after a face, boobs etc) is their feet.  Its surprising actually how many of his mates share this same opinion actually!!   I don’t think it’s a foot-fetish, but apparently it IS important (in his opinion) to have nice feet.

 

Anyway, currently I have fat feet.  And at the end of each fat foot, I have 5 fat little sausages for toes…  This swelling only really started a few weeks ago, and its gradually getting worse, and some days are worse than others, depending on the weather, and how long I sit/stand in one position.

 

I'm having great fun tormenting hubby with my ugly feet now - I keep saying "Look at my swollen FEET!!" and he just about shrieks and runs away!  LOL!  Not quite, but it IS funny!  Ankles have disappeared too, on both sides.  It is quite bizarre.  Luckily I have no swelling anywhere else.  Elevating my legs at the end of the day helps a bit, but you cant do that at work!

 

We had our all-day ante natal class last Saturday, which we actually quite enjoyed.  We learned quite a bit, we both asked heaps of questions, and it was great to have a tour of the birthing suites, and to see the rooms in the maternity ward.  The great thing about my hospital is, although its public, you get an individual room - nice.  We watched a couple of birth videos, which for some reason made me want to burst into tears.  I just found it so emotional watching this woman go through all those contractions and pain, having her hubby supporting her and helping her, and then the actual birth (which was graphic enough in detail, and freaked me out a little bit) - just so … moving.  I blinked back the tears though, had to remind myself that I was in a room full of 30-40 strangers!

 

I'm having my baby shower this Saturday, and really looking forward to it.  One of my friends has organised it all, so I just get to sit back and relax!  (After I clean the house from top to bottom of course)

 

Oh and I have decided to finish work a week earlier than I'd planned, its just getting too much.  I will be 35 and a half weeks by next Friday, which is enough for me.  So I have only 5 days of work left - yeeha!   I've got so much to do after I finish though, to get organised for tic tac's arrival.

 

Have an awesome weekend!

Stressy Week

Ugh - stress city. I knew this week was going to be the week from hell... and it has been.

I've been having trouble sleeping this week. Sleep is always one of the first thing that goes out the window for me when I'm stressed. I'm actually ok getting to sleep this time, but I cant seem to stay asleep. And once I wake up, thats it.

Now I know that this is part and parcel of the last trimester of pregnancy, but I'm over it. Work is really stressing me out, there is so much going on, and now when I wake up, I just cant seem to drop off again. Bubs has also taken to doing a "corkscrew" impersonation during this time, or at least thats what it feels like!

Last night we had a huge storm in SE Qld, huge claps of thunder too - so we decided to bring Elke inside for the night because she was really freaked out. Its the first time we've had her in the bedroom (on the floor) and while she did settle down and go to sleep, she's a really "snuffly" dog and all I could hear was her heavy breathing and snorting. I woke up around 1.30am and the storm had passed, eventually at 2.30am (I was still awake) after listening to her grunt and snort for an hour, I got up and put her out (much to her disgust!).

But still couldn't sleep, so at 3.30 I decided to get up, no point lying there NOT sleeping. So another night of 3-4 hours sleep. *Sigh*.

I have 16 days of work left. I'm really thinking that the stress is not worth it, and see if I can take my maternity leave a week earlier than planned.

I'm planning on suspending my gym membership in the next day or two. I haven't been in several weeks, and I really just dont have the energy at the moment so I'll just keep up the walking a few days a week with Miss Elke.

I had my 33 week hospital visit on Wednesday, and its all looking good. Tic tac's head has descended already - I was hoping that meant it might come on time (or even a day or two early would be nice!) but apparently it aint so!

A friend of ours had her second bub on Tuesday morning - a gorgeous little girl. Wednesday night we went to visit them in hospital, and my hubby was quite smitten with the beautiful little bundle. He even held her for ages, he said he needed some practice holding a baby! I kept saying that its hard to believe that we'll have one of our own in a few weeks - freaky!

We have our ante-natal class tomorrow! Just gotta get through today...

Pregnancy observations

Having never been pregnant before, I've experienced a few things that have quite surprised me. Such as:

A pregnant belly feels HARD. Like a fully inflated basket ball. I thought it would be soft and squishy!

My hair is growing at all sorts of different rates. The hair on my head is growing fairly steadily, underarm hair is growing super fast though and requires almost daily shaving! But the hair on my legs has barely grown at all in the last few months, and most strange of all - my eyebrows - I last waxed them just before my wedding in June, and since then I think I've had to pluck a random hair about twice (yes that’s in total, in 4 months!)

My fingernails are growing like the clappers, I'm having to fill my acrylic in every 3 weeks, where I used to stretch it to 4 weeks.

Leg cramps in the night are most unpleasant, especially thigh and hamstring cramps - ouch. I never even knew it was possible to get a thigh cramp.

The little bugger has started punching and squishing and bashing into my bladder, to the point where a couple of times I've had to cross my legs, squeeeeeze those pelvic floor muscles… and hope for the best!

Random strangers often talk to me. It seems that many people love a pregnant woman, especially if its your first. People look at me and smile. I've struck up conversations with random sales clerks, big burly butchers, staff at Queensland Transport, bank officers etc - whereas before they would barely even look up.

I'm forgetful. Really, really forgetful. Hubby finds it particularly annoying! I never had a great memory beforehand, but its even worse now.

I drop things. A lot. The harder I try NOT to drop things, the more I drop them.

Putting on lace-up shoes (like gym shoes) is proving to be more difficult as time goes by. Same goes for putting on socks, painting toe nails, and picking up the stuff that I dropped.

Everything is done with a grunt. Bend over to pick something up - grunt. Get out of bed or out of a chair - grunt. Walk up the stairs at work - grunt and rest at the top.

Your feet get bigger. No kidding, its supposedly because the bones and muscles relax. Some say that they never go back to the original size. So what do I do with all my beautiful size 8 shoes????

Still, I think I've been pretty lucky so far. No stretch marks yet. And with 8 weeks to go, I've gained just on 10kgs. First time in the 70's! Fingers crossed my target of putting on no more than 15kgs is achievable. Blood pressure is still normal, glucose test results were fine. I've also not experienced any cravings, or had any symptoms of nesting yet. (Can you believe we still haven't got any furniture for tic tac's room yet!! Maybe this weekend) My major complaint at the moment is that I'm just extremely TIRED.

Last Friday we went for our 3D/4D ultrasound, and got some amazing photos of little tic tac. We ended up with about 130 images, plus a DVD of the whole thing. I will leave you with a couple of the best photos.

Have an awesome weekend!

Photos! and other stuff...

Thought I'd update with a few photos this week.


Here's a pic of the new house - this is the side of the house. You can see the temporary fence that we built a few weeks ago to keep Miss Elke in. To the right of the tree in the middle is our fully screened patio area. The house is pretty much smack bang in the middle of the 1.5 acres, so the neighbours aren't too close :-)




More of the backyard - this is the area that we fenced off . If you look closely, on the right hand edge of this photo you can see the corner of the screened-in patio.





This was a classic - Connor discovering the local wildlife! This bird was absolutely obsessed with its reflection in the glass - it sat there for about half an hour gazing lovingly at its own image, totally unaware that there was a cat on the other side going bananas and wanting to catch it, and very frustrated that he couldn't!!

In the end Connor was the one who gave up in disgust.

Elke - I had just put some Advantix on her, and she was not happy with me. She refused to make eye contact with me for the photo!


Baby bump last week (at 29 weeks)

We went to a wedding on Saturday and I wore heels. Flat shoes with dresses just dont look right on me... I had to stand a fair bit though, and ended up with swollen ankles again, and back pain for a few days. The things we do for style! Although I feel that at this point in time, nothing is going to make me look good LOL. This weekend is another wedding, and I'm trying to decide if I can get away with flat shoes... maybe I'll have to wear pants, but I'd rather not! Maybe I'll just try to sit down as much as possible instead, and wear the heels? Or am I just being silly?

I'm getting to the point in this pregnancy where I'm starting to complain a bit! Oooh my back hurts, leg cramps in the middle of the night, I cant bend over and do up my shoes, or paint my toe nails because there's this big belly in the way, heartburn, I'm so tired all the time!... etc etc. I catch myself and think "you of all people should not be complaining, after the dramas it took to actually GET pregnant" So I'm trying to suck it up and just get on with it.

I have caught myself waddling a few times in the last week or two - and I have instantly corrected my gait LOL - ahhhh its SO glamourous!

Todays excitement came when I felt the heel of a FOOT pushing out of my belly. Its the first time I've actually been able to almost name a body part. Cute.

I went to a morning tea on Sunday, and one of the girls there had a 9 week old baby. Everyone was doing the "Pass the baby" thing, and I felt horrible that I STILL didn't have the slightest urge to cuddle a baby. The sum total of my baby holding experience in my entire life would probably add up to less than one our - that is including ALL babies that I've ever held. I thought I might be different once I was pregnant, but, um, I'm not. I've also never changed a nappy before. This baby is going to come out and I'm not going to have the slightest clue what to do with it.

I hope its different when its your own?

I'm also wondering when this supposed "nesting" instinct is going to kick in, cos so far it hasn't surfaced....

10 weeks to go - eeek!

Its starting to feel like home :)

For me, the sun is starting to come out again. When I think back over the last few months - its been HUGE. All the stuff that’s been going on - getting married, putting the house on the market, having open houses, buying a house, organising finance, having to put our much-loved dog down and grieving over him, packing and moving house, unpacking, buiding a fence at the new place, starting a new temporary managers role at work, AND being pregnant - well, its no wonder I had been feeling so overwhelmed and "flat" for the last few months.

But I'm starting to feel good again. There is less stuff to stress over, and more stuff to look forward to now. Starting to look ahead to the next few months as we finally get to buy a few things for the baby's room. We'd been holding off on any big purchases because there didn't seem much point doing it before we moved. So now we can get a stroller, cot, change table etc - oh and we also have to get a car for me, because pretty soon I have to give the company car back :( bugger!

We have started talking about getting another dog too - its been a month now since we lost Shavez, and it feels like it might be ok to get another one soon. It also might help us heal emotionally. Elke has become even more precious to me lately. She is such a gorgeous little girl, and is such a good indoor dog. Even Connor the cat is tolerating her being inside so much now. She has become my shadow, sitting at our feet when we're on the lounge, or comes up at random to give us hugs and kisses. I don’t know if she can sense my pregnancy, but she's certainly been a great companion lately. Isn't she a cutie?

There are a few things we need to get for the new house, but one of the things on the list was to finally get with the 21st century and get a big screen plamsa TV. We went out window shopping on Sunday - and yep, you guessed it - we came home with a new telly! It’s 50 inch - its MASSIVE! We are not really big TV watchers, but hubby wanted to watch Bathurst this weekend on a big screen - spoilt!

We have such a busy month ahead of us - including weddings on the next two weekends. Hubby is in the bridal party for one of them too. Normally I would buy a new dress for a wedding, but I decided to try on a few of my current dresses this time - and I found two that still fit, despite the big preggo belly! Not keen on buying something new that I wont get to wear again, so they will have to do. Feeling like a whale at the moment, so I don’t think much is going to make me look good somehow! Will get some photos taken if I remember.

Did a lower body training session at the gym on Monday, and took Elke for a walk this morning to expore some of the new suburb. Tomorrow I'm going to gym for an upper body session, and Thursday I'm planning a sleep in! Although sleep is getting to be a bit of a luxury at the moment, the other night I actually feel like I pulled a muscle in my stomach just from rolling over!

It really is amazing what the human body can do - I have a little being inside me right now that is about 27cms long from head to bum - now THAT is amazing! I also keep looking down at my growing belly with a degree of fright - this thing keeps getting bigger, and its got to come out down there! 11 weeks to go!

All moved in

OMG what a week!

We are now moved in to our new place, and I just have to say - I am NEVER moving again! Aaarrrggghh!!! What a pain in the butt!

We thought we were doing great on Friday morning, (remember, we hired trucks and moved ourselves) - and by 11am we had one truck loaded with all the outside stuff. Hubby is a carpenter/builder, so he has a large amount of building materials that needed to me moved (and they say that I'M the hoarder!!). Then it was on to the inside stuff - which quickly filled the second truck WAY before the house was empty.

Why on earth do TWO people need to live in a four bedroom house, with enough furniture and crap for 6 people??

Anyway, then the boys had to take the loaded trucks down to the new place (15 mins away) and unload them in the new yard, then bring the empty trucks back for more loading. Ugh. There was no way in hell we were going to be out of there by settlement time (3pm) - so I had to ring the real estate and apologise. We didn't get out of there until almost 6pm!!

So that meant that we didn't get to the new place until after dark - unloading in the dark has got to be a movers worst nightmare. Thank goodness for friends and family for all their help, and if we EVER move again - can we please get removalists in????

Everybody did too much - everybody was wrecked by Saturday. Even hubby admitted he underestimated the job and was wrecked (and thats a big thing for him to admit!). I was a mess. I found the day to be extremely frustrating. Everyone kept saying "dont you lift that" or "put that down - you're meant to be taking it easy" - but seriously, you cant sit down and relax while everyone else is working their arse off. So I worked all day and ended up with swollen ankles, a WICKED varicose vein in my left leg and lower back pain that wont go away.

Its so frustrating when you know what you are normally capable of, but because of pregnancy you just cant do it anymore. I felt quite weak and useless, and I'm not used to feeling like that.

Nevermind, we're in now... I've got this week off work, so I've been slowly unpacking and doing what I can. I got hit with heartburn/indigestion from hell on Monday - which turned into a mild version of those stomach pains I used to get a few years ago. I was up all night doubled over, my whole digestion felt like it was on fire. Thats what you get when you eat crap for a few days, or get so busy that you forget to eat and then overeat as a consequence. Lesson learned. Heartburn is still there (one of those lovely side effects of pregnancy) but I'm feeling better. The stress of everything hasn't helped, I feel very overwhelmed by it all at the moment.

Elke has become an indoor dog, which we love. She is following me around like a lost sheep, I cant move from one room to the next without her following me everywhere. She is loving the acreage, but is still a little apprehensive about it. Its not fully fenced yet, so she gets to explore it under supervision at the moment, and gets locked inside an enclosed patio area to sleep, or when we go out. She is such a good indoor dog, but I wonder how long it will last - once she's used to this place she'll probably want to be outside again!

Ooh yeah - I'm going for a pregnancy massage today - cant wait! I'm also going to get an iphone tomorrow, because pretty soon I'm going to have to give back my work mobile (and laptop - boohoo!) so I thought I'd treat myself to a new toy :) Only 8 weeks of work left - yahoo! 12 weeks til we meet tic tac, eeek!

Random Stuff

Our houses (selling and buying) are scheduled to settle simultaneously on Friday… so we are madly packing, cleaning and throwing-away. I don’t think I've been exerting myself too much, although my back begs to differ at the end of the day and just aches and aches. I'm so front heavy now, that even just sitting for an extended period makes my back hurt. I packed up some of the kitchen on the weekend for about an hour, and then had to sit down for an hour to rest - just so tired!

I'm excited about moving, but also a bit sad because Shavez's presence is still so real here. At the new house, although it will be easier for us to look to the future, our memories of him wont be there at that house. Elke seems to be coping ok - she doesn't want to be inside anymore, I bring her in every night for dinner, and afterwards she stands at the door and waits patiently to be let outside again.

I have started in an Acting Branch Manager role at my work - Its sort of a "caretaker" position until I go on maternity leave in about 10 weeks, so its all good experience for me, and was nice to be asked! But it has been quite challenging, trying to learn new stuff whilst suffering from baby brain! As of this Thursday, I have a week and a half off to move house, and then unpack at leisure. Although, I have so many appointments organised for next week that I'm still going to be super busy.

Tic tac is going fine, lots of kicking - usually in the bladder, usually once I've laid down to go to bed, or at 3.30am. I think tic tac takes after its dad and is going to be a Muay Thai kickboxer! I have to go for my gestational diabetes blood tests next Tuesday - fingers crossed! The latest thing we have discovered is that you can now actually SEE my belly move when it kicks - its like I've got this alien being inside me wriggling about - kinda freaky being able to actually watch the skin move. Hubby reckons we're not far off from being able to try the Malteasers thing (like on the TV ad).

Training in the last few weeks has been a bit dismal since we lost Shavez - making it to the gym about one day a week, and taking Elke for 3-4 walks a week. I guess I'm still fairly active though, especially with all the packing going on. I still have a little bit of muscle definition left in my arms. Have gained 7kgs to date, which hopefully at 27 weeks pregnant isn't too bad. Although everyone keeps telling me that the last trimester is when you stack it on, especially fluid! I'm also told that my belly will probably double in size - I don’t know how the skin could possibly stretch any further though!

I went along to the QLD INBA's on Sunday to cheer on Kristin in her first figure comp. Kristin looked so graceful on stage, and so confident too! It was lovely to be there as part of her cheersquad, you were awesome and did yourself proud Kristin! I also met one of our IBO clients Geraldine, and briefly met Tiarna and said hi to Shannon.

Anyway, thats whats happening in my world. Feeling a bit flat and overwhelmed with everything at the moment.

Getting through the days

Its been a week today since we said goodbye to our dog Shavez. It feels like I'm marking time, I guess I am. I know that time will make it feel more bearable.

Thank you all so much for your beautiful comments on my last couple of posts, each and every one was special - thank you all for your wonderful support. I find blogging to be theraputic in some ways, so it helps me to write my thoughts down. I suppose its a tool I use to cope. Being pregnant probably makes it all seem much more emotional too.

I can now think about Shavez without becoming a blubbering mess. I can even talk about him to other people. I thought I was doing ok this week - I got through Tuesday and Wednesday without any tears, then on Wednesday night hubby said 4 words to me that set me (and him) off crying again "Shavez comes home tomorrow".

So he is home now in his memorial box. There is room in the box for his collar, and a small ball and photos. I got home last night to find hubby crying his heart out again - looking at photos on the computer... he said he felt stupid doing it, but he hugged the box... At least he will always be with us.

Our house is now sold - and if all goes well we'll be moving to our new place in 2 weeks. We threw ourselves into packing last Saturday as a way of distracting ourselves. While we're looking forward to the new place, its bitter sweet. All the memories are here. But then again, it might be good for us to have a fresh start, and make new memories without seeing him everywhere each time we go outside.

I have been playing the "what if" game this week. I suppose its a natural part of losing someone you love. What if I had taken him to the vet sooner? What if I hadn't taken him on that last walk where he fell over again - maybe thats what did his back in? What if I'd called the doggie chiropracter?

I've also been playing the "I wish" game. I know its pointless. I wish I'd brought them both inside more often, I wish I'd stopped to give him more cuddles instead of rushing off to work in the mornings. I wish I'd taken them on more walks... I wish he was going to be here to meet tic tac...

I'm throwing myself into taking care of Elke and helping her cope. She comes in every night now (much to Connor the cat's disgust), hubby is playing frisbee with her every day, and I'm taking her for walks as many times as I can. I dont think she understands why she's inside so much now (she loves it though). I wonder if she knows whats happened. She is probably just waiting for us to bring him home, like we've always done in the past.

I've been setting my alarm for gym every morning - only to wake up feeling exhausted every day and not going. So I decided to have the rest of this week off. Next week I will get back into it. I have completely forgotten about being pregnant too - tic tac is still kicking away, but has been a bit quieter than normal, or maybe I just haven't been noticing. Last weekend was hard because I didn't feel like eating. I tried to force myself, but only because I know I've got to look after this little human being inside me. Maybe thats why I've been so ravenous these last few days!

Anyway, I will endeavour to be a bit more cheery in my next post.

The hardest goodbye

R.I.P. our beautiful boy Shavez...

Thank you for all your kind comments. We have had the most heart breaking week.

Poor Shavez's X-rays weren't good. Apart from the problems with his spine and discs, the results showed that his lungs were riddled with tumours. The vet said that it was surprising that he was still breathing as well as he was, and that it wouldn't be long before he was coughing blood and bleeding from the lungs. Everything was inoperable. The vet also said he would never walk again, so any time that we had left with him - we'd really only be delaying the inevitable.

At 5pm on Thursday, we went to pick him up from the vet. He could no longer walk or move much, so we went out the back to see him in the cage. He was wrapped in a doona because they'd shaved him (to try to find the tick that didn't exist) and had been cold. He was distressed, but SO happy to see us. His eyes lit up when he saw hubby - those two had such a special bond, I never had a hope of winning the same level of affection that Shavez had for my husband - they both adored each other.

So we talked to the vet, talked about the Xrays, and then took Shavez home for one last time. It was a mission getting him into the car, we had to use a stretcher, and the poor boy cried because it obviouly hurt to be moved.

Once we got him home, we settled him on his big foam mattress - right in the lounge room. This was his favourite place to be. He loved being close to us, as coming inside was always a bit of a treat for them, both dogs spent most of their time outside.

He was ravenous, so we gave him lots of treats. He has cleaned us out of Schmackoes, doggie chocs, and liver treats. He was also extremely thirsty, I think we filled his water bowl up 4 or 5 times during the night. Miss Elke came in and spent some time with him too.

Hubby's family came to say their goodbyes. It was so very very sad. We all sat around him on the floor, patting him, cuddling and kissing him - the whole family got to tell him how much they loved him and would miss him. Poor Shavez probably didn't understand what was going on, but I guess all he knew was that all his favourite people had come to say hello.

After the family left, he seemed to be in a lot more pain. I think the anesthetic had started to wear off by then, because he started crying... pretty much non-stop for the rest of the night. We tried everything to ease his pain - heat packs, moving him to different positions, I rubbed arnica all down his spine and gave him massages... the arnica seemed to help for a little bit, and we all were able to doze lightly for 30 minutes or so.

But there was no sleep for anyone. Hubby and I stayed up all night with him, patting him, cuddling him, crying for him, crying for us... we got to tell him many many times over how much he meant to us, and how much we'd miss him. We tried to make his final few hours as comfortable as possible.

To be honest, I felt so horrible for putting him through another night of pain. I felt like we should have made the decision on Thursday. But I do know that he loved being home... and I know that he loved the attention, and everyone coming to see him. It also made our decision to do what was best for him, and have him put to sleep, so much easier. There was no way in the world we would have put him through any more pain. But at least we got to see that for ourselves. And we got to pamper him one last time.

The frustrating thing was that Shavez was STILL a playful pup til the end. We gave him a tennis ball to chomp, and he popped that so easily, and with such gusto! He loved it. Then we gave him a squeaky ball that I'd had in the cupboard - he just LOVES squeaky balls! He squeaked that like crazy, he went nuts for it. We captured that on video - but its distressing to watch too, not only because you can hear me and hubby sobbing in the background, but because it showed that it was still "Shavez" - his beautiful personality was still there. We keep saying - "The mind was willing, but the body just wasn't able".

When the sun finally came up, our decision was made. As soon as the vet was open we were going to say goodbye. One of our good mates came around - he has always loved Shavez, so he asked if he could come to say goodbye too. He stayed with us until it was time to take him to the vets.

Hubbys parents came up to the vets office. Shavez had the four of us gathered around him at the end. He didn't understand what was going on (he was actually excited to be going in the car again) and we were all overcome with grief. I have never stayed with a pet when they have been put to sleep before. I was looking into his eyes, and I saw the light go out once it was over. He was at peace.

I cant believe he's gone. I see him everywhere. The whole yard is him. I cant go to the veggie patch, because I see him follow me in and dig up the soil. I hung washing out today and thought "last Saturday when I hung washing out, he came up and we had a cuddle". I hear him whinging at the screen door because he wants his dinner. Only its not him. He's not here anymore. Its so hard to believe that last week he was here, and seemed fine - and now he's gone.

I keep thinking "he's just a dog - get over it!". But he wasn't just a dog, he really was a HUGE part of our family. He was like the dignified old man, the heartbeat of the family. He has left an enormous hole in our hearts, and our lives.

I hope you are resting well, my beautiful Shavez. I will miss you always. I will see you again one day..... always in our hearts.

My heart is breaking

My heart is breaking as I write this post. Our beautiful Alaskan Malamute - Shavez, is unwell and I dont know how much longer he's got left with us.

Lately when I walk the dogs, he’s been a little unsteady on his feet, sometimes slipping over etc. The vet has had him on treatment for arthritis, because he's 13 years old, which they say is REALLY old for such a big dog.

On Tuesday night I noticed that he didn’t get up to eat his dinner, so I put the bowl down in front of him – he ate it all so we just thought he was a bit sore. Then yesterday morning when I got home from gym I noticed that he hadn’t moved (and he was a bit whiney), and when I tried to get him to get up, despite his valiant efforts, he just couldn’t seem to get his legs to work properly. I even tried standing over him and hoisting his upper body up, but he was a dead weight and his front paws just curled over when they touched the ground. I did get him to take a couple of drunken steps but he fell straight over again. I was a wreck over this, actually, I was hysterical, but convinced myself that once the day warmed up a bit he would improve. When I left for work, Elke was just sitting beside him, looking down at him as if to say “Come on, why aren't you getting up??"

When I got home yesterday afternoon, hubby said he was worried about Shavez, so I told him what had happened in the morning and he burst into tears, which set me off again too. So we went out to him and he tried to get him to stand up, and the same thing happened. We rang the vet, who said we should look for a paralysis tick, and bring him straight up there. We flew up there in a panic, and virtually had to carry Shavez (all 45kgs of him) into the consult room, and laid him down there. Vet thought the symptoms were strange, but a tick was his number one suspect. We had to leave him there and they had to shave him down last night to see if they could find one (he’s too hairy to find it normally).

So at about 8pm last night they rang us to say that they couldn’t find a tick, so he next suspected a slipped/herniated disc in his back – but wont know until xrays today. They also think it could be a tumour in his spine, which might stem from his tail removal episode last year. Either way, they've told us he’s too old to have surgery, as they don’t think he’d make it. Either way, it feels like the end.

We have both spent the night and morning sobbing our hearts out. Our pets are like our children, they mean so much to us. It doesn’t feel like theres much hope. I guess we just have to wait and see what the xrays show, and maybe, just maybe its treatable with anti-inflammatories or steroids or something (as long as theres no tumour). I’m also going to ring my chiropractor and see what he thinks.

It breaks my heart. It makes us feel so bad that poor Shavez had to spend the night at the vets, shaved naked and not knowing whats going on, or why we’ve abandoned him. And poor Elke is confused too, we cant explain to her why he's not here, or whats happening. She has never known life without him.

Please keep him in your thoughts...