I'm over here...

Hello blogland!

I don't know if anyone still reads this.

Its been a while... if you're looking for me, I'm over here these days:

www.facebook.com/hilaryhudsonphotography

I would love it if you dropped by to say hi!

Write that week off

Right, so I went SO well for 2 weeks.  Tracked my food, tracked my exercise, started to see results.  Started to feel great.

Even my physio told me that I was fully recovered from my Pelvic Crossed Syndrome, and basically set me free!  I was exuberant!  I had the all-clear to start doing lower body exercises again, and to trial jogging!  OMG!!

And then, last Friday, it hit me.  The Flu that has pretty much claimed everyone in my broad circle, finally got me.  And as I lay dying on the lounge last Friday night, I thought "Why does this always happen when I get a good rhythm going?"

And it wasn't just me.  Husband woke up on Saturday morning and started heaving his guts up... so there's me shivering with fevers and chills, body aches and nausea, and my husband trying not to vomit up his water and also with body aches and chills... and two healthy kids running rings around us!

The whole weekend was spent in a horizontal position.  There was lots of moaning to be heard. The kids pretty much subsisted on any packet of food that could be opened by a parent with one hand and one eye open.

Husband bounced back quickly, and was back at work on Monday.  However I took until yesterday to begin to feel human again.  Ugh...

So - lets strike that week off and start again shall we?

Fall over, get back up

Well I kinda fell off the radar last week...

This sums it up:

1. Husband went away for work for the week, I was single mumming it for the week -and I must say I take my hat off to those who do it all day, every day - phew its hard work!
2. My 16 year old pussy cat went to the vet for some more medication and check up, and his kidney disease is worsening and now I have to try to give him sub-cutaneous fluids under his skin a few days a week.  On top of that, he really needs some dental work as he has some decaying back teeth - but he's so small and lost so much weight (he's only 2.9kgs now) that its risky... I could lose him just from having some teeth pulled.  The cost of this is also a very big factor, which makes me feel incredibly guilty and so so sad.  I spent most of last week crying.
3. Glandular Fever relapse number 2... when does it end?  More night fevers, stomach aches, swollen tonsils... and little sleep.  I now have her pumped up on the following: Olive Leaf Extract, Homeopathic drops, Probiotics, Multi-vitamins, fruit/vegetable juice, salt-water gargles and no sugary/junk food or snacks!
4. Head cold for me.  The least of my worries.

Some old habits crept back in last week. Blah.

I have gotten up this week with renewed determination though.  We are finally sleeping well again so I have printed up my plan and stuck it on the fridge.  I'm going to ask my husband to randomly check with me through the week how my training is going, or how my nutrition is going.  I think this is going to have a big impact on me, as I have felt for a long time now that what I am missing is ACCOUNTABILITY.    I don't even care if he doesn't listen to the answer, I just want him to ask me.

Today I was looking through my bookcase and came across my old falling-apart copy of "Body For Life"!  Wow, what a blast from the past!  I did a BFL style resistance training workout this morning and loved it. It was nice to enjoy exercising again.  I also did 20 mins on the treadmill, I don't know if this was too much for my hip issue, but time will tell.

I am also re-reading "Fatitude" by Craig Harper.  Forgotten how helpful that book is.

Anyway, its time I started work for the day - bye for now!

Glandular Fever revisited

Skye had a relapse last weekend.  We thought she was breezing through this, pfft - glandular fever?  No problems, she's such a resilient kid, she's back to normal and bouncing off the walls!

Famous last words.  Last Saturday she crashed in spectacular fashion.  We were scheduled to go out for dinner with friends and kids on Saturday night.  By lunchtime she was complaining of a bit of a tummy ache.  By 3pm it had evolved into a massive headache (I hesitate to use the word migraine, because she's 4 years old, but maybe it was, it came and went in waves) which didn't respond to either paracetamol or Ibuprofen... at 4pm she was vomiting all over herself and by 5pm she fell asleep on the floor with her head on my lap.

SO!  We stayed home, cancelled plans.  We've kept her quiet all week and pumped her up with vitamins, vegetables, beetroot/fruit smoothies and lots of rest.  More blood tests on Monday revealed she is recovering, albeit slowly.  We have to go back for MORE tests in another month to make sure its still resolving.  Glands are all still up too.  Poor baby girl.

Anyway, sounds like another excuse from me - once again my exercise plans are foiled! 

However, heres something BIG.  Alcohol - had a glass of wine on Saturday night (after 2 whole weeks off) and I totally didn't enjoy it.  What?  Did I just say that?  Hmm.  Anyway, I went another week without any and felt good.  Sleeping awesome now that I'm not getting up in the night to a sick child.  Had some wine last night and DID enjoy it though - however I really don't feel like I want to slip back to relying on wine AKA 'mamas little helper' again.

Also, big, massive improvements from me in terms of snacking.  I'm just not doing it.  I don't know why, but its awesome. Feeling much more in control.

Now just gotta get cracking on doing some more resistance sessions!

One step forward, one step back

Last weeks commitments all turned to crap when I came down with a lovely dose of Gastro!  Wednesday-Saturday was a bit of a write off, physically I was wiped out and every time I sat down I almost nodded off to sleep - so training didn't happen as I battled low energy and continuing stomach cramps for days.

When it came to food, all I wanted was plain, bland, safe food.  I resorted to toast as a quick and simple filler that I didn't have to put any thought into.  I bought myself some peppermint tea too, as I know from past experience with Koby that peppermint can do wonders for the digestion.

Now, for the last couple of years, I've been of the belief that I've become gluten intolerant, because any time I eat anything like bread or pasta, I bloat up like a balloon and suffer terrible wind!  I can get away with small amounts though.  But last week I drank 3 large cups of peppermint tea per day, and ate toast.  And there was no bloat, no wind... I am absolutely amazed at this and have tested this a few times since.  I've tried pasta, with peppermint tea chaser - no reaction.  I've had toasted sandwiches, no reaction.  I'm very excited about this and will continue to monitor it and see how it goes.

So anyway I did lose some weight last week, although not the best way to do it!

I have also stayed true to my commitment of not having any alcohol, which I'm quite proud of, since I really love a glass or two of wine!  I do feel better for it, although I've had a few moments where its crossed my mind, but once I've eaten dinner I'm over it and its not an issue.

I've started drinking hot lemon water in the morning.  I have no idea if it actually does what everyone claims it does, but its worth a shot, and its all part of my water quota for the day anyway.

Back to the physio tomorrow, hopefully my hips have improved some more!

Weekend round up, Monday goals

The weekend started with our 5 year wedding anniversary!  5 years, wow!  My husband surprised me with some beautiful pink sapphire earrings, he did his research and found out that the sapphire is the traditional gemstone for a 5 year anniversary, very sweet :)

We had planned to have a night out on Saturday and send the kids to the inlaws, but with an unwell 4 year old, and a 2 year old with red, bleary eyes and starting to cough and swipe at his dribbly nose, we cancelled it and stayed home instead.  We'll have to take a raincheck on that I guess.  I made home-made pizza and drank wine in my trackies instead.  Actually I drank way too much wine over the weekend, and as a result I felt dreadful, didn't sleep well and now resolve to stay off the grog for a couple of weeks.

Today was D-day for Skye when we get the results of the blood tests and tonsil swab.  One out of 3 markers for Glandular fever came back positive, so they retested for another virus called CMV.  She got the all-clear for that, so Glandular Fever it is!  She's been under strict instructions to REST... yeah try telling a 4 year old to rest!  Seriously!

Anyway, apart from no alcohol for 2 weeks, my goals this week are:

Training:
2 x resistance sessions
4 x cardio sessions

Nutrition:
4-5 small meals per day
2-3 litres of water
No chocolate

General:
In bed by 10.30 every night.

Seems pretty simple really.  The trouble with being in bed by 10.30 is, I've gotten used to staying up later than that.  So when I go to bed early, I just tend to lie awake until my normal sleep time anyway.  Which is frustrating.  I just need to persevere with this... I know it requires me to switch the TV and ipad off by at least 10pm, and I like to do my physio stretches before bed as its quite relaxing and means I can sleep without hip pain too.

Today I knocked over 1 x resistance training, and 1 x cardio.  Plus endless bloody physio stretches and exercises!


 

Commitment

• I will post here at least once a week.  More if needed.
• I will report in on how I'm going, how I'm feeling, what went well and what didn't go well
• I commit to having just ONE free meal per week
• I commit to drinking at least 2 litres of water each day
• I will track my progress with measurements and bodyfat percentage.

In typical "me" fashion, no sooner did I decide on this plan of attack, when my daughter came down with tonsillitis... again.  So the last few days we have been coping on little sleep, one hot feverish 4 year old, one tired mama and most definitely no exercise.

Eating is still on track, but I am having an additional strong coffee each afternoon this week, when I'm trying to work.  I thought about chocolate a little while ago (we still have a small mountain of easter chocolate in the house) but it was only a fleeting thought. 

Today involved a two hour wait at the GP.  I wasn't expecting to be so long so the Childrens Nurofen wore off while we were there, and her fever came back with a vengeance.  Then the doc ordered a tonsil swab and blood tests - yeah try getting a 4 year old to sit still while they're suffering a fever and crying their heart out.  Its no fun for anyone!  Stress!!

Pretty happy that I still managed to stay on track today, despite the stress.

Back to Basics

Once upon a time this used to be a fitness blog... then somewhere along the way it morphed into a mummy blog/general life etc.  I've been thinking about resurrecting this blog for a while, but a sudden urge struck me last night, and well, here I am again.

After a year of faffing about and not getting anywhere, I need to have some accountability again.  I'm tired of going around and around in circles.  I'm tired of making excuses for myself.

Its time to get my act together and actually make some progress in my fitness and health again.

I am a work-from-home mum, with 2 part-time jobs, 2 little kids, I do the books for my husbands business and I'm in the process of starting my own business.

I am busy, but so is everybody else.

I'm tired and stressed and feeling flat.  Every day feels a bit like groundhog day.  I've created bad habits recently that I must stop.  I get very little "me" time, once the kids are in bed, my husband often goes to bed earlier than me - so I turn off the TV, get out my book and start snacking.  Then I stay up WAY too late, don't get much sleep, feel exhausted in the morning, get cranky with the kids through the day (often resorting to a glass of wine at the end of the day) and the cycle continues.

I am a full clothing size, and 5kgs over where I am comfortable being.  It is not a massive amount of weight, but I have been losing and gaining the same 2-3kgs over and over for at least the last year.  I go well for a week or two.  Then something happens and I don't deal with it well.  A kid gets sick.  Or I get sick.  Or I injure myself.  Or we go away camping and it all goes out the window.  Start/Stop, start/stop... sigh

I'm limited at the moment to what I can do (exercise-wise) due to something called "pelvic crossed syndrome", and under some strict instructions from my physio.  But that doesn't mean I cant get my bad habits sorted.

My accountability is here.  I thought about starting a fresh blog, but I like it here.  It feels like home.  There are years of old posts here to motivate me and remind me of what I CAN achieve.

I'm going back to basics.  More soon.

Well hello there

Hellooo.....

{echo}  h  e  l  l  o  o  o  . . . .

Is anybody still out there?

Yeah ok, bad blogger, bad blogger.  Bet you thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth, didn't you?  Its the same old story, you get busy trying to be everything to everyone, and something's gotta give.

Not promising that I'm back for good, but I just thought I'd pop in and say "hi" anyway.  I'm a stay at home mum, I'm used to talking to myself :)

Lotsa stuff been happening.  Too much to go into great detail.  Here's a few bullet points:

• Did a photography workshop in early March.  Fell even more in love with my camera.  Its rarely been out of my hands since.
• Found out about "Tough Mudder" challenge, decided we were doing it!  Got stuck into some training.  Then woke up one day out of the blue and couldn't walk due to pain in the ball of my left big toe.  It was 3 weeks before I could even stand straight without pain.  Podiatrist named it "Sesamoiditis" and sent me for Xrays.  A metatarsol pad and chiropractic eventually saw it come good, however I lost valuable training time. Lost motivation. Tough Mudder plans now on hold.
• I had a few paranoid health scares, which all turned out fine
• Skye stopped having a daytime nap (NOOOOO!!!!!)

And something really really sad happened.  A friend went in to hospital to have bub number 2 via a scheduled caesar, only to be told that there was no heartbeat.  Her much-longed for little baby was an unexplained full-term stillborn.  My worst nightmare came true for my friend.  Words cannot explain the heartache.

I dont know if you've ever been to a funeral for a baby or child, but I dont think there could be anything more tragic and heartbreaking.  Instead of celebrating the wonderful life that person lived, you instead talk wistfullly about what might have been.  This little boy never drew breath, but he was so dearly loved.  His photos were beautiful and tragic at the same time.  The size of that tiny little coffin...

Not long after this tragic event, my uncle passed away after a long battle with cancer.  Another sad day, but also an amazing celebration of his absolutely amazing, incredible life.  I learned so much about him at his funeral, and I wish I'd known some of it before he died.

Funerals are never nice, but the older I get, the more I start to worry about my own mortality.  I mentioned health scares above, and perhaps I'll go into more detail at a later date, but all I know is, my worrying is getting worse.  There is nothing more sacred and important than my little family unit.  I'm terrified of something taking that away from me.

No photos today, this post has been sitting in draft for weeks, and if I wait to upload photos, it will sit here for another month.

I promise to put lots of photos in my next post, hopefully soon!

Absent

A month, thats how long its been since I gave my blog some lovin...

I'm sure I've had plenty to say, but just not a lot of time or inclination to sit down and say it.

So whats been happening?

Well, I had another birthday... and suddenly I'm staring down the barrel of 40.  Two more years til that lovely milestone.  I remember being fearful of turning 30, and what a pivotal year that ended up being in the life of Hil.  At 30, I finally got my shit together.  I wonder what 40 will bring?

What else?  I started hitting the weights and cardio again at the start of January.  And I cleaned up my act with my nutrition, which had sadly spiralled out of control during Koby's first year.  So while I'm not enjoying getting up at 5am to train again, I am enjoying the benefits of sorting myself out.  Pants are looser.  I'm starting to ditch baggy tops in favour of some of my more form-fitting ones.  Feeling happier.  2.5kgs lost in January, along with several millimetres all over. 

And then 2 weeks ago I suddenly started getting compliments from people that I looked great, had I lost weight?  I was feeling quite buoyant and pleased with myself.  And then for no reason at all I just decided that I couldn't be bothered getting out of bed at 5am, so I started sleeping in.  I started to justify having that mid-week glass of wine, because, y'know, the kids had been horrendous all day and I DESERVED it.  And I started slipping on the ole nutrition side of things too.

Why do we do that to ourselves?  I'm quite annoyed at myself.  But anyway, I'm refocused and recommitted to my goals.  I'm realistic, we all have off days - we just shouldn't let them go on for 2 weeks.  I do love how I feel when the post-baby muffin top starts to shrink, so I will remind myself of this in future.  This week has been back in control.

Other news, I've also become the contact person and co-ordinator for our local Playgroup this year, so thats been taking up a little of my time as well, planning the activities for each week.

****************

I've been really enjoying my camera and making an effort to take photos at least weekly.  I'm still Instagramming and share most of my photos (mostly iphone but some DSLR) over there - I'm @hilh on Instagram.

A couple of photos from the last few weeks, still a big learning curve but I'm enjoying the process:

Trying to capture water droplets falling...

Nasty little Cobblers Pegs, from our garden.

I was lucky enough to be given a new lens for my birthday, a Canon 50mm F1.8, so I've been madly practising away.  This is a prime lens, meaning no zoom, so I've had to use my feet as the zoom!  The new lens is taking some getting used to, but I'm enjoying the challenge.

Some photos from the new lens:

 Fork reflections

Happy Feet

Looking up

Sunrise through the leaves 

Our little Dutchy

So much to learn, but its so cool to be getting the creative juices flowing again :)  I'm doing minimal editing (if any!), mostly because I cant be bothered, but also because I prefer that kind of look.

Anyway, I drafted this post on the weekend and its taken me until now to get back to finish it, with that said, I'll hit "Pubish" now!  Have a great week!

The crossroads

My little boy is a baby no longer. He runs now. He climbs. He communicates. His hair is growing longer, into soft baby curls at the back, and I find myself constantly running my fingers through that fine blonde hair… dreading the day that I will take him to have his first hair cut, when I might actually have to stop and acknowledge that he’s becoming a big boy.

It happens gradually. We celebrate each little milestone, each little achievement with glee and pride, cheers and celebrations: but there is an undercurrent of sadness always hanging around, like a grey mist that seeps in slowly, softly, often without realizing. “This wont last” it whispers, it taunts.
He’s not a baby anymore. And though I still like to think of him that way, I know that I have just a short amount of time before he’s running off with his friends, playing rough and tumble games that I wont be a part of, and pushing me away, needing me less and less.

So I snuggle with him as often as I can. I cradle him like a newborn. He loves to push his warm body against me and just lean into me. He has a rocking chair in his room and I rock him and sing to him, snuggled into the crook of my arm, as part of his pre-bed routine.

He still wants to be picked up, so I happily oblige, and he is still so dependant on me for almost everything.  I am torn between wanting him to grow into an independent big kid, and wanting him to stay just like this… at this crossroads between baby and boy where we can enjoy the best of both worlds for just a fleeting moment in time…

I am so going to miss this stage.

Happy New Year!

Theres no other way to describe the last couple of weeks, other than to say that its been a blur.

Birthdays, a kids birthday party that turned into an adult stay-up-too-late-and-drink-too-much party, cakes, Christmas, presents, more alcohol consumed, excess food consumed...

And with all this stuff whizzing past, I kept thinking that the world just needs to slow down a little bit.  I needed to stop and take a breather, to stop and just inhale all those sweet experiences just a little bit longer.  I wanted to take a step back and take a mental home video of all those lovely moments in time, so that I could replay them in my head in the years to come, and enjoy them all over again when I actually had time to.  Instead, I feel like I rushed around and missed most of it.

I took photos of course, but they only give you a tiny glimpse of what was happening at the time.  And when you are taking photos of your kids opening their Christmas gifts, you also cant HELP them open their Christmas gifts.  So I found myself putting the camera down in order to be more present, more in the moment with them - rather than standing back, being separated from it.

But also, when I think back over the last few weeks, I've caught myself thinking "I wish I'd taken a photo of this or that"... because you lose track of what everyone is doing sometimes.  On Christmas day, I turned around and someone had dressed Skye in a princess dressup outfit... When did that happen?  I completely missed that, busy doing something else.

You cant be everywhere at once, I know that.

Our last couple of weeks in photos:

Hubbys birthday on the 21st.  Along with his standard order of Beef Wellington, he requested Snickers Cupcakes... oh...my...god...

And whats Christmas Eve without a few candles, and a little bit of Christmas light bokeh... 

And more bokeh...

See?  I've learned a new photography word, and I'm throwing it around like there's no tomorrow.

(Bokeh: In photography, bokeh is the blur, or the aesthetic quality of the blur, in out-of-focus areas of an image)

And then Christmas morning came.  And in the excitement and the flurry of activity, I'd forgotten that I'd left my camera on manual focus from my bokeh photos the night before (see how I dropped it in again?) - and lo - all my "gift opening" photos are blurry  - bugger!

But trust me, this scooter, this much longed for, often-asked-for, long-dreamed-about scooter, was a big hit.  Santa, in his wisdom, decided that it didn't need to be assembled before the big day though, so daddy had to spend a large part of the morning putting toys together.  Lucky he's handy like that.

Mum got to cuddle with my little Christmas elf.

My beautiful Christmas princess, with Dutchy the dog.  Its like Dorothy and Toto.

And then Christmas was over, so we filled our days languishing at home.  Playing outside, enjoying having daddy home, and sticking frangipani's behind our ears.

Then another birthday was upon us - Skye turned into a big 3 year old. Three. Three. I still cant get over it. How did that happen? And it was like, overnight, magically, she turned into this mature child who said "please" and "thank you", who played carefully, kept her clothes clean, and decided to share with her brother.

Ask her how old she is, and she proudly holds up 3 fingers.

Slow down, time, slow down.

Her first play-doh set.  And a little handbag containing 3-year-old-treasure: hair clips, and 5 flavoured lip balms.  She has inherited her mama's lip balm addiction, already.

Blowing out 3 candles!

And then it was the last day of the year... so we bundled our little loves in the car and headed to a nearby lake.  Husband then decided we should do a complete lap of said lake - all 4km of it!  Took us an hour, but it was nice to get outside, get some sun on a scorchingly hot day, and walk off some of the Christmas indulgences.

And the reward at the end was a nice big playground, complete with flying fox.  My brave little 3 year old threw herself at it, and had a ball.  We pretty much had to drag her off it by the end.  Guess which new addition the cubby house will have at home this year?

So, happy new year all.  Here's to making 2013 the best it can be.  Here's to savouring more of those precious moments, for saying YES to the kids more often.  Heres to less "cranky-mama", and more "happy-mama".  Here's to stressing less, and loving more. 

The new year is upon us, I dont know about you, but I'm planning on making each day count.

One:

Last Sunday, the 2nd of December, my baby boy turned one.

My extremely amateurish, first-time attempt at working with fondant.

Something about a one year anniversary, more than any other, makes you reminisce about the 364 days that have passed since that time. Makes you exclaim loudly about how fast the years seem to be flashing by. Makes you ever more conscious about the dreaded passing of time.

One year ago, on that day, I waited not-so-patiently for our new little life to enter the world.

And he entered it with a bang. Well, a 3 hour bang, anyway. Which, I might add, is highly preferable to the drawn out 14 hour agony of my daughters arrival.

When I was kid, birthdays were obviously all about me. It was a special day for ME, because it was MY day. On this day, I was born, so give me presents and my favourite dinner please. I never thought about the fact that being born actually involved my mother and father in some way. Perhaps selfishly I never stopped to consider that a birthday is actually a celebration for THEM too, a very special moment in time that you share with those very important beings in your life. The day that you met your mother (and probably your father) for the very first time. A day of new life, of joy, of tears of happiness and hope. Not just a day for presents and cake.

Having children of my own has made me understand just how special that day is. Its your BIRTH day. An important, and possibly emotional day for mums and dads too.

(Right, waffle over.)
**********

A few moments from last weekend:

Saturday, being the 1st of December, meant we could put up the Christmas tree (because, ya know, you mustnt put it up before then or the world will end hehe ;) ).

 We passed the Santa hat around and all got in the Christmas spirit.  Nevermind that Koby removes ANY headwear in 5 seconds flat.  I managed to snap a photo with it still on though, bonus points to me!

And, um, put a camera in front of this kid, and its pose-city...  

Seriously...

Take a photot of ME mummy! ...



Saturday night, kids in bed, hubby and I decided to have a couple of drinkies. And a few drinkies became a few too many drinkies.  And so I made the birthday cake in my inebriated state, and it ended up a bit of a disaster.  Think: not remembering if you put all the correct ingredients in or not.

It wasn't a birthday cake, it was a pancake.

But it still tasted fine, so I let it be.  Plus, 45 mins of fondant-fiddling meant that I didn't really have time for a re-do.

I will also say this: A one year old has absolutely zero concept of a birthday, presents, toys, parties etc.  We presented him with his gifts and Skye decided to show him how it was done, because he pretty much had no clue.

 The new flip-out lounge was a hit.  Amongst all his new toys, this ranks high among the favourties.

 Boys toys.  Helicopter, Police car, Wiggles Guitar.  All kinds of awesomeness right there.

Awww, my little man, sticking his fingers all over the fondant that I slaved over so it looked perfect.  Precious.

 Big sis, helping little bro eat his caramel mud cake.

Cake.  Me likey.  More, please.

And so another week rolls past, and we are on the downhill slide to Christmas.  How are you going, are you ready?  I've still got 4 more birthdays, plus a kids birthday party to organise and host before we get to Christmas day, so I can categorically say:

 I'M NOT READY!!

Boy Girl

I watch my two from afar. I not only marvel at, but I also celebrate the differences between them, a boy and a girl. I don’t know if the difference is primarily due to their gender or simply because they are two completely different human beings, but I do so love watching their personalities grow each day.

It must be one of the biggest joys in a parents life: watching your child develop into an individual, a completely separate and unique human being.

What a marvel, this little walking, breathing, talking, complex little individual – a completely random mix of mum and dad, with a bit of cousin and a bit of grandparent and a bit of auntie/uncle thrown into the mix. What amazing creations, our children.

Do you often look at your child/niece/nephew/brother/sister etc and suddenly see a “flash”, a glimpse of a cousin, or an auntie, or a grandma in their sweet expression, or the turn of a head? I find that quite delicious, that sudden little flicker of someone else. That link between families is such a beautiful thing, and makes them all the more special to our dearly beloved.

I'm so in love with watching my two.
Skye has always been a random mix between tomboy, and girly-girl. I’m curious to see which side of her personality wins out. Until recently she has always been fearless, throwing herself down slides, onto fast moving objects (gocarts etc). Thrilling in the simple joys of leaping off things and going ever higher and faster. This fearlessness has been toned down in the last few months as she begins to become aware of her own mortality, but I’m hoping its just a stage. On the other hand - the girly-girl side, she is endlessly fascinated with wearing pretty dresses, painting her fingernails any-colour-as-long-as-it’s-a-shade-of-pink, and adorning herself with large amounts of jewellery.

This is the pose she strikes whenever she's jumping around a lot and I say "FREEZE!"  Jazz hands?

Last week I dressed her in shorts and a T-shirt and she scowled and shook her head.  She looked down at herself, then up at me and declared "I'm not a BOY, mummy.  I want to wear a pretty dress!"

My girl has also been endlessly fascinated with nature. All creatures, whether they are stuffed toys, or a humble ant on the concrete, deserve the same amount of affection. Leaving the house requires hugging all the favourite toys goodbye and calling out her adieus to the dogs and cat – but not only that – if she spies a trail of ants on the way to the car, she has to stop and give the ants a cuddle too. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve turned around and found her hugging the concrete.

Perhaps she’s destined to become a tree-hugging hippie?
One of her favourite pastimes at the moment is snuggling next to daddy on the laptop, and googling pictures of Octopus.  Real or toy, doesn't matter.  You Tube Octopus are a hit.  She's going through an Octopus phase.  I find them quite ugly and horrible to look at, but she's fascinated.

The other day we spotted a grasshopper on the outside of the loungeroom window, while we were inside. We spent a large amount of time talking about the grasshopper, and then TO the grasshopper, and then when mummy produced the camera, having our photo taken with it. Then she tried several times to give the grasshopper a hug – from the other side of the glass!

Look mummy, a grasshopper on the other side of the window!

 Can I give him a cuddle?

This is how you hug something that's on the other side of the glass, apparently.

I love this about my girl. She has inherited her parents love of all creatures, great and small. The only thing she fears is spiders, due in no small part, to her mothers hysterical reaction whenever one is found in the house.
**

Koby on the other hand, although he’s not quite 1, is already showing us he’s a typical boy. He inhales any food put in front of him, and instead of playing with Skye’s "girly" toys, prefers instead to bash things, and throw balls. 
One day I spotted him playing with a small box. He was stuffing small plastic toys in the box, and the last thing didn’t quite fit. Instead of taking it out, or giving up, he proceeded to pick something else up and bash the crap out of the offending item, until it DID fit. Yes I cracked up laughing. I told daddy about it later, and his response?

“That’s my boy”.

Indeed.

Father and son already share a love of pushing and shoving each other on the lounge (all while laughing hysterically) - oh, and fart humour. Seriously, dude, he’s not even 1 yet.  He thinks farts are the funniest thing ever.   Oh and he quite likes grinning and fluttering his long eyelashes to any female within striking distance, too.  Charmer, much?  Doesn't take them long to learn, does it?

Hard to resist those big brown eyes

They were in testosterone heaven the other day when hubby's mate brought over his new bike.  Don't worry, daddy was holding onto Koby tightly from the other side (10 points if you can spot daddy behind the bike)

He has his daddy’s short temper and just a smidge of an attitude already. But he has my hazel eyes, and seems to love musical instruments like his uncle John. Much to my delight, he’s also as affectionate as his daddy. Sometimes when he’s sitting on my lap, I hear him make a “mmmmmm” sound. When I look down at him, he’s got his lips pursed together in a kiss, face upturned, waiting for me to plant a big fat smoochy kiss on him. Then he wraps his arms around me, and places his head gently into the crook of my neck… Awww…

Whats the best thing about watching your kids grow up?

Tis the season

Well I'm floating in and out from my "funk" of my last post.  The excitement of this time of year is infectious, with an almost-3-year-old around, she's constantly pointing out things like Christmas Trees at the shops, fairy lights, Santa hats, tinsel, and toys in catalogues.  Nothing escapes her notice, everything is downright thrilling.  I'm so eager to put the Christmas Tree up this year, that I'm almost counting down the days.

Ask her where Santa lives, and she excitedly declares "The NORTH POLE!!"

We have plans to go visit Santa at the shopping mall sometime very soon, and we also might send him a letter.  She has known what she wants for quite some time - a scooter.  A pink one.  The other day she said it had to be a 'Barbie' one.

"Oh?" I said "Not a Dora one?".

"No, mummy.  A Barbie one."

Oh dear.  Unfortunately Santa already bought a Dora one, some months ago in fact, and its hiding under our bed in readiness for the big day.

The other night, daddy asked her if she thought Santa would come down our chimney.  She looked at him like he had rocks in his head.  "Nooooo, daddy!  hehehe" -- obviously she hasn't heard that part of the story yet!

So how does he get in?

(deep concentration) - "through the door?"

How can you be down in the dumps, with so much excited anticipation around?

Amidst all this Christmas cheer, Koby's 1st birthday is fast approaching.  There is a mixture of emotions about this.  How did my little man get to be almost ONE?  It astounds me how fast the years are flashing past.  They will be in high school before I know it, and all this will seem like a blur.

Best I remind myself to stop and smell the roses again eh?

Soaking up some random lovliness from the last few weeks:

First steps:

He took his first steps last week, and we were excited and proud and so happy.  

Skye took her first steps at exactly 10 months, and every day afterwards I had all the time in the world to spend with her, to encourage her and help her practice, so she was very steady on her feet within about a week of starting.  I think Koby will be much slower, primarily because I cant devote the same amount of attention to his endeavours.  Skye gets supremely jealous whenever we encourage him to walk, so his 'practice' sessions are either very short, or done on the sly when Skye napping.   He also seems to have a much shorter attention span!

Wearing a pearl choker as a princess crown... as you do.

Because as we all know, one of the best things about going to visit your Nanna is raiding her jewellery collection and putting on every single thing you can find. Nanna has an abundance of costume jewellery. Skye doesn’t care if its “real” or not, she just wants to put it in, and that’s all that matters.

Our current favourite is "my crown". She never fails to ask for it. Its actually a ‘pearl’ choker. After putting it on every week, she admires herself in the mirror for a good few minutes. Priceless. Who needs diamonds?

Wearing mummy's shoes is another favourite:

Running Races

I’m not sure where it came from, but Skye loves practicing her running. She hunkers down in position on the carpet at night, and says “Mummy can I do runnings?”

So then I have to say “READY… SET… GO!” and clap my hands together to simulate the gun going off.
She then races through the lounge room, through the kitchen, and down the hallway, until she’s back to the start. We can do this over and over, and you can guarantee that I’ll get tired of it before she does.

We did this the other week outside, and she ran around me and Koby, dodging the washing line and the odd tree… wearing herself out in the process.

Love the expression on her face - and the assortment of bracelets!
Happy Thursday!

Adrift

A lovely sunset from a few weeks ago, taken from my driveway

 

I’m feeling a bit lost at sea, like a boat without a rudder, a horse without a rider. A GPS without a destination, if you will.

I’ve had a sudden realization, a dawning of understanding, of why I’m feeling so displaced.

It’s the first time in 5 years that I’ve not had a personal plan for my future.

In 2007, we started trying to fall pregnant – a massive struggle, and then after 18 months of disappointment - in late 2009, we finally had our beautiful daughter, now almost 3. With that came a huge shift in lifestyle, as any parent knows. But I knew then that I was not “done” with one, and that to complete our family, we needed another precious little life to join the ranks of our clan.

And so we planned for baby number 2, Koby, who was conceived just a few months after throwing caution to the wind. He’s now 11 months.

And now Koby has been fully weaned, and I’m suddenly feeling quite introspective. Yes I’m feeling a little bit sad that the special time of nursing my little baby boy is now over, and this time its for good. My final baby. No more breastfeeding. Apparently it can be quite normal to suffer a form of delayed-onset-post-partum-depression when you finish weaning your baby, regardless of their age. It’s the drop in hormones: prolactin and oxytocin. Damn hormones.

Skye just threw me for a 6 this morning. She came running and asked if she could have some popcorn. And then out of the blue asked:

“Mummy? Are you happy?”

I knelt down and hugged her and reassured her I was completely happy, with so many wonderful things in my life to be grateful for. What a perceptive little girl.

So: What now?

Like any parent, my goal in life is to bring up our two little creations as kind, compassionate, thoughtful and intelligent human beings… I want them to know love and feel love and give love as naturally as breathing. I want them to be all that they can be, to make themselves proud and to believe that they can achieve anything that they set their mind to…

Yes, that’s my ideal for THEM, and my goal as a parent.

But whats next for me personally?

I don’t know. And before you say it, no, I’m not planning on having another baby!

I understand that my worth in life is not defined by what I do “for a living”. I’m a stay-at-home mum, and happy to be. We are a little bit old-fashioned that way I guess. It’s a full-on, 24 hour a day job, and sometimes it feels overwhelming to have so much responsibility, to have so much influence on our children. Also, I have no burning desire to re-enter the corporate world, so that’s not what I’m talking about.

But I do need to find a new creative outlet. I need to feel more fulfilled somehow. Its not that we’re not busy – we pretty much have something on every day of the week for the kids, swimming, playgroup, play dates, running errands and doing chores etc.

I used to be a fitness fanatic, but I lost my mojo for many months… its slowly coming back. I’m in my second week of sticking to an exercise plan and I’m starting to feel my energy levels revive, so I’m sure that will help.

Currently I’m using the upcoming Birthday and Christmas period to give me some focus – both kids birthdays are in December so we’re having a joint birthday party for them, which is going to be epic and requires a lot of planning and organizing.

What happens in the New Year is another story. It’s a new phase in life that will take some time to adjust to.

At this point I don’t have an answer.

Epic Fiji holiday blog post

We are back from Fiji!

We had a lovely, relaxing time, been home for over a week and a half now and I’ve been trying to get this blog post done but I've been struggling to find the time to finish it! So I’ve been chipping away at it, piece by piece, until, well – here we are.

Let me start by saying, I’m never ever, EVER taking a red-eye flight again. I mean seriously, I’ve had two babies, I KNOW what its like to be sleep deprived, but we discovered that we are way too old to be staying awake for two days straight. And drinking copious amounts of alcohol on top of that? Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

So while our human-babies, and our fur-babies were being well looked after back home (awesome house-sitter looked after the furry ones, awesome in-laws looked after the human ones), we clamboured aboard the plane at midnight and then arrived at Nadi International Airport, Fiji, 3 hours later, sans sleep. Local time, 5am.

And then began the endless day of WAITING. 2 hour wait at Nadi airport for the transfer to Denarau at 7am. Nothing open, nothing to do. Transfer via coach to Denarau. (on a side note: oh the things we saw from the bus, on that 20 minute drive from Nadi to Denarau… the most memorable being a house under construction, where instead of scaffolding and steel props to hold up the roof, they were using tree branches… our eyes nearly popped out of our heads!)
Arrive at Denarau, 1.5 hour wait until the transfer boat to the Island. Once on the boat, it was 1.5 hours to Mana. Once we arrived at Mana (it was still only 10.30 in the morning!) we then had to wait 3.5 hours til our accommodation was ready. Slightly exhaustipated. Slightly giddy with fatigue. Slightly sick and tired of waiting. Never, never, never doing the red-eye flight again.

Did I mention I’m never doing a red-eye flight again? o_O

When we finally got our accommodation, we found out we’d been upgraded. Originally we had booked in to a Deluxe Ocean View Bure (a stand-alone, thatched hut thingy). So an upgrade to an Ocean Front Suite on the other side of the island was not unwelcome. A two storey suite, much more room to spread out, two bathrooms, big lounge area etc. Nice.

Exterior of the Ocean Front Suites on South Beach

View from the middle landing, into lounge/dining area

The upstairs balcony.  Lots of alcohol was consumed here!

But then we made the rookie mistake of cracking open our duty free booze and having our first holiday beverage on the balcony… and then when some of our friends began arriving (for the wedding on the Friday), we started on cocktails at dinner… and then more duty free grog back in their room after dinner… oh what a night! Hubby was pretty plastered, but at least I had the good sense to slow down once I started feeling smashed!

Hubby on the other hand, did not feel too well the next day. In fact, he laid off alcohol completely until the wedding on Friday.

We spent the next few days on the kayaks, cruising over the coral reefs, going for massive walks along the beach and into the rainforest areas (I think they said that Mana is 300 acres, but you can walk around it in half a day), snorkeling in the beautiful aqua ocean, reading on the beach, glass bottom boat trip, meeting our friends for happy hour bingo and more cocktails… not to mention the resort entertainment – kava ceremony, Meke show, crab racing, bonfire night, bands playing in the lounge bar…

Lots of palm trees, as you'd expect

This was the view from our room.  The beach is just beyond the trees.

And the water was as aqua as expected.  The brown patches in the water, close to shore, are seaweed.  The coral wasn't too much further out though.

You can see the drop off here.  We did all our snorkeling out there off South Beach.

Rock pools

During our massive walk around Mana, heading towards Sunset Beach

Having a rest during our walk

This was outside the wedding chapel, just a stunning view over Sunset Beach.  Note the height of the railings though!  There is a 5 foot drop to rocks below, I dont think that foot-high railing is going to do much!

En Route to the Tuilawa lookout.

Tuilawa lookout, with round tree branches for floor boards!

Ahhh, but the view was so worth it!

Meke Show

Heading out on the glass bottomed boat

 

Glass bottomed boat trip

Fish and coral from the glass bottomed boat.  Pretty much what we saw while snorkeling too

 

On Friday the 19th, we witnessed some of our dearest friends finally tie the knot, in a beautiful ceremony, in a little chapel on Sunset Beach. The choir sang – their voices echoing and harmonising in their traditional Fijian songs, and everyone had goosebumps. Not a dry eye in the house. Very special, and very happy that we were there to be a part of their big day.

Before heading out to the wedding chapel

Our awesome friends, on their beautiful day

Some observations:
The locals are so friendly. Everywhere you went, you heard “Bula!!” (Hello!). From the gardeners and maintenance men raking up leaves, the cleaning ladies, the kids club staff, even the man driving the rubbish truck – they all waved and called out “Bula!” whenever they saw you. I don’t think you’d get that in Australia. After a day of it, we all started saying it to each other – the more drinks you had, the more “BULAAAAAAAAHHHH!” it became. Even now, back home for almost two weeks, we’re still saying it. We’ve even taught Skye to say it.
And continuing with the "friendly" theme - where ever you arrive, you get a welcoming performance - Fijian men, resplendent in Hawaiian-style shirts, strumming on guitars and singing in harmony to welcome you.  Awesome.

You have to get used to “Fiji time”. Nothing happens in a hurry. You order a drink and you MIGHT get it within half an hour. You might have to ask again. One morning I asked for a coffee three times before it finally arrived, and by then I was finished breakfast. At the a la carte restaurant it took over 1.5 hours for the meal to arrive. When we questioned how much longer it would be, a waiter cheekily asked “why, are you in a hurry?”. The reply: “No – we’re just hungry”. So we ate in the buffet most days.  We were all pretty cruisey about it, and mostly just laughed about it.

The sand – its not like the sand in Queensland. We’ve come to the conclusion that we are pretty spoiled for beaches in Australia. Our sand is really super fine, nice to walk on, and easily rinses off or falls off after a bit of walking. The sand in Fiji is really coarse, the grains are much bigger – its coral sand I guess. That shit sticks to you and WILL NOT COME OFF, unless you use vigorous force!

 

Hamming it up on the beach...

The sun in Fiji is FIERCE. Stepping outside in the sun, you can instantly feel the rays biting into your skin. You pretty much need to reapply 30+ sunscreen every hour, to avoid being burned. Most of us discovered this the hard way.  On the first day I only reapplied it every couple of hours, and ended up with a very red back.

Sun begins to set over Sunset Beach...

By the 3rd day we were really missing the kids, even more so when we found out that Koby had developed an ear infection and was on antibiotics. We started spending a large amount of time reminiscing over photos and videos of them on our phones, and getting misty-eyed and slightly homesick. So we were more than ready to come back home to our little ones. Yes, its nice to go away, but its even nicer to come home.
And hows this for arsey: from the time the plane landed back in Brisbane, to walking out of the airport front doors, it took 35 minutes. And yes, we declared everything we’d brought in. Home in record time to a weeks worth of cuddles in one night. Koby broke my heart a little when he didn’t quite know who I was at first, but I think he’s finally remembered his mama!

Theres no place like home.